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Oct 17, '08





1. The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that, 'On the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left'.

2. There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion. The rest are all subprime.

3. How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

4. For Geography students: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...

5. A trader: "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

6. What's the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

7. What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures, trader doesn't.



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Aug 28, '08




A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.


She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.


The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."


The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"


The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.


The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make Your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. "


The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, -she's the most beautiful woman in the world!


For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.


The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said,


"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."


So, -she's the richest woman in the world!


The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."


Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers: This is the end of the story for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!



Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.



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Aug 06, '08



Veryyyyyyyyyyyy interesting.............

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said:

Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself
treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic,
see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal
specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...

Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk
like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but litsen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK. Tell me.

Man:

I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.

I get up in the morning like a horse

I go to work running like a deer

I work all the day like a donkey

I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.

I wag my tail in front of all my bosses

I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

I am like a rabbit before my wife

Doctor: are you an engineer?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me
in the begining itself that you are are an engineer. Come man, no one
can treat you better than me.

(Pass this message to all engineers. Let them know their real life.)



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Jul 28, '08



Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around.
Some are in loud discussions during office time........

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, They ask, 'What's going on?'

'Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss'

They're asking for a Rs.5Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection.'

One Trainee asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?
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'About 10 litres.'



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Jul 23, '08



Hi!

The National Roads Safety Council has done extensive testing on
a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be
reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed.

Correct installation is illustrated below.......

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May 28, '08



LOVE HAS NO LIMIT....... .....



While Dad was polishing his new car,

his 4 yr old son picked stone & scratched lines on the side of the car.


In his anger, Dad took the child's hand & hit it many times, not

realizing he was using a wrench.


At the hospital, his child said "Dad when will my fingers grow back?"

Dad was so hurt.


He went back to car and kicked it a lot of times.


Sitting back he looked at the scratches, child wrote "I LOVE YOU DAD"



Anger and Love has no limits...



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May 28, '08




A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a
loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was
around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle
open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and
keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally
forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the
bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a
poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child
collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The
mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the
distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked
at his wife and uttered just five words.

QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?







ANSWER :
The husband just said " I am with you Darling "

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The
child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point
in finding fault with the mother.
Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would
not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only
child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from
the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would
be much fewer problems in the world. " A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step " . Take off all your envies, jealousies,
unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are
actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in
asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship,
in a job or with the people we know.
By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E



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May 05, '08





A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.

She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:

"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family",

she said "Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences by my being here. I mean that I don't want you all to change your way of life, your routine."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.

What I mean dad is:

Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to control your son!!!!!



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Apr 17, '08





One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what you learned from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four dogs.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night...

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!



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Apr 16, '08





BHAKT - Bhagwan mujhe wardan do ki mai marne ke bad phir zinda ho sakun.

BANGWAN- Ye mere bas ki bat nahi hai putra, ye sirf Ekta Kapoor kar sakti hai.



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A New Teacher Joins school

He Finds Two Boys Similar In Appearance.

Teacher asks - "kya TUM Judva ho.??

Boy-: jee nahi..Hum Padosi hain


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Neighbour to sardar: " Raat nu teri khirki khuli is, I enjoyed full scene u did with bhabhi".

Sardar: "Ban gaya na pagal, main to raat ghar par tha he nahi".


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Ek Pathan ki behan ko daku utha kar Le gaye,

Sab NE kaha daku khatarnak hain khali haath mat jana behan ko bachane.

Pathan 2 kilo mithayi Le gaya. P



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