India Marriage Joke

1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

2.There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

3.A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : " Wife wanted". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

7. "What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days." But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."

8."Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. " I'm very sick, would you please call me a vet?". "A vet? Why do you want a vet and not a medical doctor?" The husband replied. Because I work like a horse,live like a dog, and have to sleep with a silly cow."

Tags: jokes, adult jokes, adult, sex

Tommy and Math

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School.

After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn’t kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying.

Books & papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little
Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: “Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?” Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head. “Well, then,” she replies, “was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms, WHAT was it?” Little Tommy looks at her and says, “Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”

Tags: adult, sex, jokes, adult jokes

Can I have Some Water

A couple is on a plane in the middle of the night, and it is dark and quiet.

The woman says to her husband, “Let’s have sex right here”.

The husband says, “Are you crazy? People will hear and see us”.

“But everybody is asleep”, claims the wife, “I will prove it to you. I will ask for water and you’ll see that nobody answers me and nobody even hears what I’m saying”.

So the woman says in a low voice, “Can I have some water please?”

But no one answers. So the husband starts having sex with her.

After the plane lands, a man run to the steward and says, “Quick, give me water. I have been so thirsty for the last 5 hours”

The steward gives him water and asks him, “Why didn’t you ask for water during the flight?”

The guy says, “No way, a woman two rows in front of me asked for water and you won’t believe what they did to her!”

Tags: jokes, adult jokes, adult, sex

Rules

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady And after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I Expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, Fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my Old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about It. Those are my rules. Any comments?”

His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just Understand that there will be sex here at seven
O’clock every night ……… Whether you’re here or Not.”

Tags: jokes, adult jokes, adult, sex

Olympic Gold Medal

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives.

The first said, "I think my husband's like a championship golfer. He's spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke."

The second woman said, "My husband's like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps."

The third woman was silent until she was asked, "Tell us about your husband."

She thought for a moment and said, "My husband's like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler."

"How so?"

"He's got his time down to under 40 seconds."

Tags: jokes, adult jokes, adult, sex

18 goes into 54

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

Tags: jokes, adult jokes, adult, sex

Hypothetical Millionaires

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"

The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother:

"Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?"

The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father:

"Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister:

"Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?"

The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

Tags: jokes, adult jokes, adult, sex

This is a story of a young college girl who passed away last month in Chennai.

Her name was Priya. She was hit by a lorry. She was working in a call centre. She has a boy friend named Shankar. Both of them are true lovers.
They always hang on the phone. You can never see her without her headphone.

In fact she also changed her phone from Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost.

She spends half of the day talking with Shankar. Priya's family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya's family. (Just imagine their love). Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please bury me with my cell phone" she also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people can't carry her body, I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still can't , everybody including me, had tried to carry the body, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called a person who know to one of their neighbors, who can speak with the soul of dead person, who is a friend of her father. He took a stick and started speaking to herself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here". then her friends told that person about her intentions to bury her with her phone. He then opened the grave box and placed her phone and SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked.
Priya's parents did not inform Shankar that Priya had passed away. After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom.

Shankar :...."Atte, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Don’t tell Priya that I'm coming home, today, i wanna surprise her." Her mother replied..... "You come home first, I wanna tell you something very important." after he came, they told him the truth about Priya.

Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "don’t try to fool me - tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for her Please stop this nonsense". then they show him the original death certificate to him.

They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to weep)

He said... "Its not true. we spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Shankar was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar's phone rang. "see this is from Priya, see this..." he shown the phone to priya's family. all of them told him to give a answer.he talked using the loudspeaker mode, all of them heard her voice.
Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her SIM card since it is nailed inside the grave box. They were so shocked and asked for the same person's (who can speak with the soul of deal perosns) help again.
He brought his master to solve this matter. He & his master worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing which really shocked them... that is
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"Hutch has the best coverage" ,
Wherever you go, our network follows!!!







Dont Blame me plz...... this was sent to me by someone... & also i did read it till the end..... so should u....

Tags: true love, real love, love, story, love story, real story, real love story