most of you know i blog on another site, prior to joining fropper...its almost 2 years now! some enterprising blogger had organised a bluffing contest....we were supposed to bluff the most, and the post below, is my entry in the contest. i hope you like it....



As I lay still in the bath tub, trying to piece together the recent happenings in my life, I smiled at myself! It was now pretty obvious I had failed as a husband. My 13th divorce had just come thru, this time it was aarti! 13 divorces in 16 years of married life?? How many people would believe this? And what a bizarre reason….



I remember that morning distinctly, aarti was in a hurry to leave for work, I had said I would manage breakfast, but she insisted on preparing some delicious pohe that only she was capable of. As I came downstairs, after posting a blog on ibibo, early in the morning, she shouted at me….”anand switch off the gas in just 2 mins, and have your pohe! I have my fast today, I will be back by 3 pm…bye!”… and she was gone… I put the burner off exactly after 2 mins, and lifted the lid off the pohe to find that she had forgotten to add pohe!!! This was the 5th time in our 8 months old wedding! All I could see was a mix of fried onions, curry leaves, and sliced potato, with all the spices in place! This was too much for me to digest. I called her and said it was over. She looked unperturbed when she heard me out. I still have a feeling she missed the pohe on purpose….



Whatever, I had had enough, no more marriages for me I thought, as I lay still, with the chilled water around me, soothing me into a dream, I was at my farmhouse on the outskirts of panvel. I thought of them all one by one…shubhra, niyati, shayona, divya, rasika, vipaa, shashwati, ashvini, prerana, rupali, ashlesha, renu, and now aarti…. An entire cricket team, complete with 2 umpires, if…if only I could bat properly…



I wont go into the reasons of why exactly I had to divorce all of them one by one, cos the reasons were more bizarre than the pohe episode. From rasika whining like a puppy while making love, to vipaa banging madly on the toilet everytime I went in, to prerana laughing so much that she would fall off her seat while watching a tragic movie scene, that too in a multiplex…what kind of destiny I had? To have such jokers as life partners. Most people, or no one knows that I have an identical twin, a good for nothing bum, called param….yes our mom used to call us paramanand! ! !



I had to take his help, as niyati and rupali were completely incompatible in bed!! yes, param went as ME, and lived with them, but STILL the divorces happened. I should have started classes on “how to divorce successfully within a year” under the banner of ‘paramanand & sons’…! Ha ha ha thankfully no kids from any of these wives, by the time we could plan kids, separation happened… strange but true!



I decided this lifestyle had to stop, this was no lifestyle at all, I had to do something constructive. As such I was playing a dual role in my profession. Being a classified top-secret RAW agent, responsible for china operations, I also doubled up as adnan khashhogi’s pointman when it came to working out defence deals with the government of india. Ofcourse I plan to put down all this, and more about me in my autobiography, which penguin has finally agreed to publish. They wanted me to change the name of the book but I insisted it would remain “ a chain of wedding rings…”



I remembered my friend cindy’s prophetic words. She had said to me once “anandbhai, when in distress, in turmoil, in conflict with yourself, when the mind goes numb, perform a noble deed…. And you will feel fine”I wasn’t going to do anything as noble as donate my body and eyes and all. My body was my body, why donate it? Would love to donate it while I was alive, lekin who will receive it? Forget it. After a lot of thinking, and some introspection, I decided I would adopt a beggar. Couldn’t adopt a pet, as I didn’t like animals inside the house. Do we go and stay in their jungles??? Couldn’t adopt a child, as I had no time to take care of the child. So beggar it was, at least a beggar will be happy to live a life of comfort.



I came out of the bath tub, got ready, and decided to visit the babulnath temple on the outskirts of panvel, and bring a beggar home. We all left soon, all meaning me and my 8 body guards. Yes RAW guys weren’t given a RAW deal you see? And one of my body guards was a retired RAW agent, so he too had his own couple of body guards. Retirement benefits!!! Strange, but 10 men guarding 2 men, and yet we were 11 in all!



As we approached the babulnath temple, I saw a lone beggar sitting outside the temple, a tall guy with flowing white beard, long white hair, anguish writ large in his deep-set eyes, he had a forlorn look on his face. He sat silently with a bowl in his hands. I approached him, “baba, I have come to take you home, you can live with me for the rest of your life, you seem to have suffered a lot already, give me a chance to take care of you please, and now come with me…” the person gave me a strange look, and said “ I cant just come with you like that, I am sorry “



Being a RAW guy, I was in no mood to listen. I signaled to my guard team, they instantly picked up the old guy, and almost dumped him in the van that we were traveling in. he tried to protest, but we closed his mouth with a tape. Off we went, back to my home. Once home, I made him relax in the sofa, and then removed the tape on his mouth. He looked at me with anger. And within a flash he took off his wig and pulled off his flowing long white beard.



I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw who he was. OHHH MY GAAWWD…We had just brought amitabh bachchan home. “ holy cow!!! Whats this amitji?” I gasped. “ you tell me what this is Mr…… er… whats all this may I know” I then told him to relax first and told him everything being brief at the same time. He was thoughtful in the end. He said he was shooting for a new yash chopra movie called “sabse bada bhikhari”,, and that while the crew were getting ready with the next shot and all, behind the temple, he told them he would try to get into the skin of the character by sitting outside the temple, and we all came and forcefully brought him home. I asked him what was the story all about. He said it was about a superstar who crashed into the dumps, and became a beggar one day.



He said “ we also have an interesting song which goes in background thru out the movie”. We requested him to sing a few lines, and he obliged, it went like this





(to be sung to the tune of chhaliyaa mera naam….chhalna mera kaam)



sabse bada bhikhari…

filmein pit gayi saari

ACBL thapp hua,

Ab marneki taiyyari…

Sabse bada bhikhaari….



“Wow! Amitji I am sure this movie will rock the multiplexes, I am sorry for this mishap, we will now return you to the temple” saying so, we shook hands, and I promptly took amitji back to babulnath temple where the unit members had gathered and were looking for him already.



Back home, I relaxed in the evening with a large peg of jack daniels, thinking of what next, going thru the newspaper at the same time. My eyes fell on a matrimonial. “shivani khanna….. 7 times divorced…….34….looking for an alliance…..email me at……” wow we had ‘divorce’ in common I said to myself, let me give it a try…. 

as i switched on my PC, i realised that after the unlucky 13 times, i cud be lucky with this shivani khanna....