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B HAPPYYYYYYYY



Aug 31, '08



dAiLy Prayer:
O GOD, give us strength & capacity
to pay Income Tax, VAT, CST, Service Tax, Excise Duty, Octroi, TDS, ESI, FBT, Prop.Tax, Stamp Duty, CGT, Water Tax, Prof. Tax, Road Tax, Edu Cess, Congestion Levy,toll tax & many more. Besides don’t forget Gunda Hafta, Bribes, Donations, Chanda, Beggers etc…








Aug 29, '08



Fold two hands together And express a dash of sorrow

Marinate it overnight And work on it tomorrow

Chop one grudge in tiny pieces Add several cups of love

Dredge with a large sized smile Mix with the ingredients above

Dissolve the hate within you By doing a good deed

Cut in and help your friend If he should be in need

Stir in laughter, love, and kindness From the heart it has to come

Toss with genuine forgiveness And give your neighbor some

The amount of people served Will depend on you

It can serve the whole wide world - If you really want it to…








Aug 13, '08



Watan hamara misaal mohabat ki,
Todta hai deewaar nafrat ki,
Meri Khush naseebi,
mili zindagi is chaman mein

Bhula na sake 
koi iski khushbo saton janam mein.


Happy
Independence Day!








Aug 10, '08



Boy : Agar Main Kahon Mujhe Tum Se Mohabbat Hai Aur
Meri Bas Yahi Chahat Hy Tou Kya Kaho Gi?

Girl : Me Tm Se Kahungi Ye Bat Agar Tum
Kahin Khana Khila K Kehte, Zara Mobile
Balance Dalwa K Kehte Tou Acha Hota…
==========================================
Wife Came Home Wid a Goat .

Husband Asked: is Bhains Ko Ghar Kyon Lai Ho ??

Wife : Dikhta nahi Bakri Hai

Husband: Bakri Se Hi Poch Raha Hon..
===========================================Boy: U R Sunshine Of My Life.
With Out U Life Is A Dreamy Cloud.
U R In My Heart Like The Windy Cloud In The Sky

Girl: Is This A Proposal Or A Weather Report?
===========================================
Lardka: tumari ankhen ktni haseen hai,

Lardki: Choro na,

Lardka: Tumhare baal ktne khobsurat hai,

Lardki: Choro na, App B.

Lardka: Itne der se chor hi to raha tha
===========================================
Customer:-Bhai kab se wait kar raha hon
khana abhi tak tayar nahi hoa?

Hotel wala:-Bhai sahab khana to 3 din say tayyar hai
bas garam ho raha hai.
======================================Mallika at Airport. Bhikhari: behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: why U gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: pehli bar kisine behan kaha.
======================================
History teacher:
From where did the Mughals rule?

Student:
Sir…I am not sure

I think from page 15 to 26
========================================
Maths teacher asked JOHNY
“If u have 12 chocalate and u give 5 to DONA,
3 to ALICE and 4 to ROMA then wat will u get ?
JOHNY replied “Sir! 3 new girl friends”.
=========================================
Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon
rupaye fase huye hain.
==========================================
1 DIN 1 DAKU 1 SARDAR KE GHAR MEIN GHUS GAYA AUR BOLA
“SONA KAHAN HAI?”

SARDAR BOLA “ULLU KE PATTHE.
PURA GHAR KHALI HAI , KAHIN BHI SOJA..”








Aug 02, '08



  • Why do we call apartments, apartments when they are all connected to one another?
  • Why are you behind a computer, while in fact you are sitting in front of the screen ?
  • Who invented milking cows and what did he think when he started doing it ?
  • The black box of the plane is indestructible, why do they not make the plane of the same material ?  
  • Do they have a coffee break at the tea factory ?  
  • When a store is open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, why is there a lock on the door?        
  • If a pen is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand words, how dangerous –can a fax be ?
  • Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman? The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!
  • The more you study. Tthe more you know. The more you know. The more you forget. The more you forget. The less you know. So why study?
  • Why can you buy sigarettes in a gaz station where it is forbidden to smoke ?










Jul 29, '08



1. On being Late:

“Kab shuru hua?”

“Attendance ho gayi kya??”

“Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar”

“Mein kya karu, wo bathroom mein ghusa hua tha”

“Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu…….. . bolna …….. kal kya padaya tha sir ne”

“Kal se pakka class karunga”

“Ek page de na………. abe pen bhi to de…….”

“Yaar iss class ke liye koi subah kaise aa sakta hai……..”


2. During the lecture:


“Yesss !!!! Sir…….The answer is …….huuuummmmm. ……aaaaaaaa. ……… ..”

“No sir…..I know the answer …….sir.. ..”

“Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai”

“Abe lecture ko chod….. dekh wo kya lag rahi hai aaj……..”

“Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha…….gadha. ……”

“Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha movie dekhne chalte hain ”

“Heads, we go Movie , Tails, we go Movie now!!!”

“class khatam hote hi Soft drink chahiye….. .”

3. Lab


“Expt. 2 Kiya kya??”

“Isme Karna kya hai??”

“Yeh bhai…..mereko aata to tere pass kyon aata…….. ”

“Are tu to bura maan gaya……. dikha na………”

4. Tests


“Tests???? …..Aree yaar…… ”

“Kya…… abe Test mein itna topic hai to annual mein kya hoga….”

“Boss….. hogaya…… aur nahi ho sakta……. .jaan nahi de sakta……. ”

“Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?”

“Aaj kounsa test hai?”

“Oye Mera dost kaha hai……uska roll number mere baad hai…….wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail….”

After test……

“yaar pada tha….recall nahi kar paya…….chhod na ……. Canteen chalega…”


5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)

“I was in the class, lecturer mark karna bhool gaya ”

“Oye usko thoda khus kar list se tera naam hata dega…….. ”

“Bola tha proxy regularly maar……. Saale teri class karne ka kya faida hua…..”


6. Late submission of Projects


“Maine usko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assignment bhi saath mein submit kar dena”

“Last date extend hui thi”

“I didn’t know the last date”

“Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya…….”

“They should allow XEROX……. .”


7 . After exam

“Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?”

“Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?”

“Ye Kaunsi book me tha”

“1st mein 3 marks…..2nd mein 0…….3rd mein 2…….Gaya. ……… fail pakka……. ”

“Yaar notice lagte hi faad dena…….. wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh kar……”


8 VIVA (b4 exam)


“Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga”

“Aeee……Rohit. ….terese kya poocha…… .”

“External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya…….”

“Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak preparation nahi hui hai”


9 . VIVA (General)


“Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala, then watz the point”

“Roll no. 1 aur 2 ki watt laga di hai”

“External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai”

“Ye kounse unit mein aata hai”

10 . Submission


“Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?”

“Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?”

“Jai ho computer baba ki……jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki…….”

“Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?”

“Ye tune kya likha hai????”

(The best one)

“Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uski drawing nikal”

“Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??”

” Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar.”

“Koi hint…….. ”

“Are baba ghasit de……..na tu samjega na wo……..”


11. Exam

“Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai who aata hai”

“ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai”

“ye last time hi poochha thaa”

“tere paas is ke notes hai??”

“woh chapter… mark weightage 6 marks… (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)”

“nahi samjha to rat le”

“External ke aane ke pura scene hai……. ”

“Iss paper mein roll number ka kya order hai……..”

“Pichle paper mein to kuch to aata tha…….issmein to anda aata hai……”

“Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya……..”










Jul 27, '08



A neglected child does not know she is neglected.
Her parents are who they are.
She is who she is.
The world just is.

An abused child does not know she is abused.
Her parents are who they are.
She is who she is.
The world just is.

But then a cherished child knows she is loved.
She knows who her parents are.
She knows who she is.
The world is just.








Jul 24, '08



A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about Nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he Felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy.
Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure," said the farmer.
And with that he let out a whistle,"Here,Dolly!" he called.
Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up....
"I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself To a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need Someone who understands."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
ALWAYS TRY TO UNDERSTAND EVERYONE BCOZ EVERYTIME ITS NOT NECCESARY THAT PREVAILING CONDITION IS SOOTHING FOR EVERYONE .








Jul 23, '08



Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty."

Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time. Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best








Jul 23, '08



A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and a four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together nightly at the dinner table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass often milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about grandfather," said the son. I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner at the dinner table. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. Sometimes when the family glanced in grandfather's direction, he had a tear in his eye as he ate alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes ever observe, their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that every day that building blocks are being laid for the child's future.

Let us all be wise builders and role models. Take care of yourself, ... and those you love, ... today, and everyday!