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Oct 27, '09



Chaos .. as the devil knows.. means .. onehelluvalotofaconfusion …( confusion .. perhaps means something that’s born when fusion is conned) … them mathematicians say … it is a very specific unpredictability .. … maths they say is the way of the world … everything has a reason .. an attribution .. somebody here has tag line going ,. There is a method to my madness …. Yeah sure … its great being methodically mad … lookin at it from an average ordinary dudes’ eye (eyes if please)… it kinda beats me … what the ffuck do you mean …. By .. analyse this .. specific unpredictability ?? … can something that’s specific be unpredictable …… ? …. Anyways … what the hell .. how the f .. does it matter .. if life is maths … how come mathematicians fare so badly … I aint getting into the mathematical definitions of chaos ….. chaos is like multiple slam bams left right and centre .. its like all the hell breakin loose ( or is it lose).. its like .. 20 GB memory stuffed in a 128 MB space … its like midday sun in the eyes when you expect to see the moon ….its like helter skelter … …. … its something that happens to the head when when a memory returns … …. Wham .. the deja’ vu’ hits u … …. Throws you off the rocker … makes you experience paradise in the middle of hell … its like experiencing Cloud Ten from the middle of a shit pile .. ha …. It happened the other day .. he had just finished presiding over an exceptionally well orchestrated chaos … he was the “Presiding Officer - “ Fcuk Ups” … the day ended … he was receing kudos for a job well done ……with all the things in the well … got into this car …. It wasn’t a Ferrari … he was on the co-driver seat … talkin to his, monetarily oriented, systematic , god fearing, gruesomely loud, astrologer friend … 20 minutes into the drive it hit him … it was the same car she drove …. The make that is …. His mind got thrown into a twirl ….. she came flooding back to him …. Marooning him as the moments he had lived with her wafted over him .. wave after wave after wave …. White horses over the dark sea … wouldn’t leave him even as they stood static at a railway crossing …. He leaned back on the seat and let it happen .. while his friend yakked away to glory … closed his eyes .. and then he realized he had to make an enquiry about a friends child admitted to the hospital … he made the call …. Enquired … heard the story … that thing under his sternum going wilder by each passing second.. thumping … butterflies all over the place …. The child was fine .. that gooey stuff inside his thick skull playing flubber …. Stars, sun , moon, clouds, dust, global warming, green peace , red heat, birth , extinction, bears bulls stallions all at the same time ….. the car was fast .. time stopped.. then walloped back .. he was next to her …. On the roads of D …. She was driving … the rest of the world was hazy … the music in the car was his … a girl crooning in the back ground of heavy guitar and electro beat .. Our love is like no other…. Our love is to be Forever … you make me feel … you make me feel … Stronger…. She refused to look at him .. was always scared to look in his eyes … she called them deadly … … then true to her self .. she would turn to look at him in the eyes .. hold his stare .. right in the middle of the chaotic delhi traffic …. And give that wispy smile … that smile .. that exploded like a grenade full of butterflies in the tendril garden … Chaos ……. That flubber inside his head in rampant “ specifically unpredictable motion” ….BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ …. The relentless vibration of his phone brought him back to his friends’ car ….. he was talking of the Lal kitab of astrology … the quintessential book of predictions ….. the last time he had put his friend in a pressure cooker situation .. he had bolted …. Forgetting all about predictions …. Relinquishing everything to do with ram and his bharose … blog khatam … kya hua .. abrupt ending?? … chaos hai bahi .. kabhi bhi chaloo hota hai .. kabhi bhi khatam hota hai …
PS : did I tell u the title of the song …. Its called .. Take my head….. you make me feel …



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Sep 28, '09



Hola … a few things over the past few days have caught attention … the missed symvvaar where our dear Tamiz chica unceremoniously dumped me in the dumpster sighting the fact that … well … I was dumped .. the reason don’t matter .. does it … however it sounded like I dumped her … it was funny…anyways .. the thing is… they found water on the moon … while some of them provide a handpump for twenty houses after 60 years of independence and hundreds of years of existence …. and cant stop gloating over it .. singing gaon gaon mein paani …... some of them are perpetually marooned in the water everytime it rains ….. some of them break pipes to get water … five of a family drowned in 20 feet of water trying to pull out each other.. and one them chicas wus walkin the beach in the rain .. she gave the water falling from the skies a whole new meaning … that left me clamouring for a drought …. What am sayin is water means different things to different people ….. but the thing is bhai.. chand pe paani hai …. Bolte hai jayda nahi hai.. takle ke sur par barish ki ek bund jaisa … “chand” pe pani … its quite an amazing discovery .. I mean … takle pur paani kub ruka hai … the flip side is fassal nahi grow karegi .. garmi bahut hai .. aur thand bhi … paani se yaad aya .. today was hindu festival … kanjaka ….. office ja raha tha ..darwaaze pe pakar liya .. five little little kanyaon ki pooja karni thi .. paani se unke feet wash karke .. tika laga ke … moli tie karke .. and then givin them some goodies ….those cute girls were feeling very happy and were all giggly …. When a lot of water has flown under the bridge …them lil girls will grow up into  bhartiya naris …. It will not be a easy thing to digest … from getting feet washed to washing clothes … I aint talkin .. about you fropper girls .. lest you think I think that you are all dhobans … wha am sayin is … from the pedestral to the dungeon .. that’s what we do with our average women folk … anyways .. this aint about gory state of Indian women …. Its their karma some of you will say …. They burnt her alive coz of dowry …Karma ..?? Everytime I hear the word karma .. something in me twists …. Am twisted as it is … but still that karma thing manages to twist me a bit more … I have list of words I adore .. goD (I don’t mind goddess … I have my own definition of them ..heh heh), karma, spirituality, moksha, inner peace, .. there are more but am already on the verge of bliss .. the kinda bliss that one experiences if you happen to drive by the NDMC garbage dumping site…… in any case ….water has led me to karma … oh yeah how can I forget … as per that great revelation and astronomical truth and wisdom of dividing us humans into a dozen twisted signs like crabs, fish and that one horned one eyed horse .. the zodiac … my sign is water ….. bahut paani pee (drink ) liya .. nahi .. lets move on …. Ek woh praani hai .. Deepak “hoaksha” Chopra….aaj kal TOI mein woh spiritual agony aunt ka role play kar rahen hai .. he is distributing gyan ……. Sample this ….
Sharad : I am a 63-year-old schoolteacher. Lately, I have become confused about the law of Karma and the power of prayer. As I understand it, the law of karma says we have to repay in this birth whatever we have done in a previous one and that life is pre-destined and its fruits are pre-determined. This thought is accepted in Jainism and Buddhism. But according to Vaishnavism, God is mighty and has the power to change our destiny. Aren't these statements contradictory? What is the truth ?

Deepak Hoaksha Chopra : Since you are a teacher and interested in scripture, may I remind you of another scriptural lesson, which says, “The ways of Karma are unfathomable.” It is possible to be under the sway of a spiritual law (yeh kya cheese hai) without demanding complete understanding. After all, the law of Karma is universal — everything is affected. This means that countless influences go into every action. The whole is moving within itself. Only our local perspective creates the illusion of isolated action tied to the personal self.

You are focusing here on the role of free will and determinism. How can Karma be binding but also change? Let’s assume that there is a cosmic answer to this profound question. How does it affect you? Be free in your own life, as free as you can possibly be (isko bolte hain twist). However binding Karma may be, the ultimate goal of life is complete freedom (ha ha), and the law of Karma has been designed to assist by teaching us about our own tendencies and patterns.

Wannbe be a spiritual leader? .. key one .. whenever somebody asks you a simple question like ..What is the truth .. use the words .. Unfathomable .. spiritual lawuniverse .. cosmos .. profound .. use a phrase “don’t demand complete understanding” and make a statement like … Be free in your own life (is there somebody else’s life that you are living), and then add …. as free as you can possibly be .. to that .. add ….ultimate goal of life is complete freedom (what freedom from life..) … and then as a footnote add ..”the law of Karma” conveniently forget that in the opening statement you had said .. that “the ways of karma are unfathomable .. there you have .. the complete Hoaksha.

Harudesai : At 68, I have read many of your books, and that of other enlightened authors such as J Krishnamurti (yeh bhai shab bhagwan se conversations karte hain)and the Dalai Lama (yeh manushya roopi bhagwaan hai … jinko ki enke ghar se bahar nikaal diya gaya hai .. jo ki despite all his holiness cant seem to get back his kingdom .. not his fault .. the ways of karma are unfathomable ..besides .. this is his human form .. ) . I have attended yoga programmes and meditation camps, even tried to learn Indian classical music. All in all, I have struggled hard to achieve ‘something’. I don’t know what that ‘something’ is but I wanted to achieve it somehow. Now, at this age, I feel as if I have wasted my life. Can you offer me a word of solace that can bring some happiness to my life?

Deepak Hoaksha Chopra : Despite your unhappiness, which I sympathize ( sympathise my dear hoaksha sir is the wrong word .. you outta empathise .. cause when you sympathise you are doing tch tch .. so sad .. when you empathise .. you are in the persons shoes.. anyways .. must be your karma).. with, it’s not too late to change your situation. From your brief description, I sense several things. You have pursued spirituality as a kind of personal struggle. The pursuit has largely been intellectual. You had only the haziest idea of what your goal has been all these years. Now you feel more than a little self-pity, and you hope that an enlightened person (which I am not, I assure you.. oh Yeah! You can say that again) will lift you up by the collar and set you down in a better place.
If you look around without self-pity, you will see that your situation is a perfect reflection of who you are. It contains all the clues you need about the next step of your journey. Find what is positive in your situation, and in yourself. That is the right beginning because it's based on what you feel right now, not what your mind ( mind is the enemy) wants you to be. Don’t complain; set aside all self-pity and false hope. Gradually, you will be able to find actual spiritual fulfillment (He said he is 68 .. he doesn’t have time for things gradual ) for things and not just disappointment.

N C Gupta : I am in good physical and moral health( pardon me .. what is moral disease) . Still, I feel I have not done enough for myself and society. I have always adhered to the thought-purpose-growth path in life, in spite of the roadblocks I’ve faced. Can you suggest a simpler path?

Deepak Hoaksha Chopra : If I may, I would suggest giving your ambitions a rest and looking beyond their source, which is ego (LO KAR LO BAAT) .. Whenever we say “I haven’t done enough,” we have succumbed to the ego’s logic. According to that logic, more is better: more success, esteem, money, power, status, possessions, etc. The most you can do for the world is to be at peace with yourself, for peace radiates light, and if you can carry a light everywhere you go (ha ha .. how true), your success will be twofold. First, you will be giving what you actually have to give. Second, you will escape your ego-based drives and their incessant call for more.

PIECE .. shed your light ....

Ps … No offence to Sharad , Harudesai and NC Gupta .. whoever they might be …



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Sep 14, '09



Chori ka maal - 4 (Kaleidoscope 5)

Aao thoda rumani ho jayen...... read it nice and slow ...
                       1

भोलू तेली गाँव में, करै तेल की सेल
गली-गली फेरी करै, 'तेल लेऊ जी तेल'
'तेल लेऊ जी तेल', कड़कड़ी ऐसी बोली
बिजुरी तड़कै अथवा छूट रही हो गोली


कहँ काका कवि कछुक दिना सन्नाटौ छायौ
एक साल तक तेली नहीं गाँव में आयो

मिल्यौ अचानक एक दिन, मरियल बा की चाल
काया ढीली पिलपिली, पिचके दोऊ गाल
पिचके दोऊ गाल, गैल में धक्का खावै
'तेल लेऊ जी तेल', बकरिया सौ मिमियावै
पूछी हमने जे कहा हाल है गयौ तेरौ

भोलू बोलो, काका ब्याह है गयौ मेरौ !

                      2


प्रकृति बदलती छण-छण देखो,
बदल रहे अणु, कण-कण देखो|
तुम निष्क्रिय से पड़े हुए हो |
भाग्य वाद पर अड़े हुए हो|

छोड़ो मित्र ! पुरानी डफली,
जीवन में परिवर्तन लाओ |
परंपरा से ऊंचे उठ कर,
कुछ तो स्टैंडर्ड बनाओ |

करो प्रार्थना, हे प्रभु हमको,
पैसे की है सख़्त ज़रूरत |
अर्थ समस्या हल हो जाए,
शीघ्र निकालो ऐसी सूरत |


हिन्दी के हिमायती बन कर,
संस्थाओं से नेह जोड़िये |
किंतु आपसी बातचीत में,
अंग्रेजी की टांग तोड़िये |

इसे प्रयोगवाद कहते हैं,
समझो गहराई में जाओ |
कुछ तो स्टैंडर्ड बनाओ |

कवि बनने की इच्छा हो तो,
यह भी कला बहुत मामूली |
नुस्खा बतलाता हूँ, लिख लो,
कविता क्या है, गाजर मूली
|

कोश खोल कर रख लो आगे,
क्लिष्ट शब्द उसमें से चुन लो|
उन शब्दों का जाल बिछा कर,
चाहो जैसी कविता बुन लो |

श्रोता जिसका अर्थ समझ लें,
वह तो तुकबंदी है भाई |
जिसे स्वयं कवि समझ न पाए,
वह कविता है सबसे हाई |


इसी युक्ती से बनो महाकवि,
उसे "नई कविता" बतलाओ |
कुछ तो स्टैंडर्ड बनाओ |

चलते चलते मेन रोड पर,
फिल्मी गाने गा सकते हो |

चौराहे पर खड़े खड़े तुम,
चाट पकोड़ी खा सकते हो |

बड़े चलो उन्नति के पथ पर,
रोक सके किस का बल बूता?
यों प्रसिद्ध हो जाओ जैसे,
भारत में बाटा का जूता | (Fropper ka Bata kaun hai bhai...)


नई सभ्यता, नई संस्कृति,
के नित चमत्कार दिखलाओ |
कुछ तो स्टैंडर्ड बनाओ | (Nike pahan ke aao)

पिकनिक का जब मूड बने तो,
ताजमहल पर जा सकते हो |
शरद-पूर्णिमा दिखलाने को,
'उन्हें' साथ ले जा सकते हो |


वे देखें जिस समय चंद्रमा,
तब तुम निरखो सुघर चाँदनी |
फिर दोनों मिल कर के गाओ,
मधुर स्वरों में मधुर रागिनी |

( तू मेरा चाँद मैं तेरी चाँदनी ..)

आलू छोला, कोका-कोला,
'उनका' भोग लगा कर पाओ |
कुछ तो स्टैंडर्ड बनाओ|


----Kaka Hathrasi-------------

                                        3
O Allah! bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad.
O Allah! gladden the people of the graves,
O Allah! enrich every poor person,
O Allah! satisfy every hungry one,
O Allah! clothe every unclothed one,
O Allah! help every debtor pay his debts,
O Allah! relieve every distressed one,
O Allah! return
every traveler [to his home],
O Allah! release every prisoner,
O Allah! correct every wrong in the affairs of the Muslims,
O Allah! cure every sick one,
O Allah! ease our poverty by Your wealth,
O Allah! change our evil state to a good one through Your excellent state,
O Allah! relieve us of our debts, and help us against poverty,
Surely you have power over all things.

(bless, gladden, enrich, satisfy, clothe, help, relieve, return, release, correct, cure, ease, your, relieve our debts...Bhaiya kuch to agle janam ke liye chod do bhai ... sub kuch ek hi bar me kya..... there is a limit to askin man.. nahi..??) not directed towards any religion ... just that ... bhagwan ko saans lene do bhai ... control!! yaar)

                                  THE FINAL

Bulleh to me, I am not known

Not a believer inside the mosque, am I
Nor a pagan disciple of false rites
Not the pure amongst the impure
Neither Moses, nor the Pharoh

Bulleh to me, I am not known

Not in the holy Vedas, am I
Nor in opium, neither in wine
Not in the drunkard’s intoxicated craze
Niether awake, nor in a sleeping daze

Bulleh to me, I am not known

In happiness nor in sorrow, am I
Neither clean, nor a filthy mire
Not from water, nor from earth
Neither fire, nor from air, is my birth

Bulleh to me, I am not known

Not an Arab, nor Lahori
Neither Hindi, nor Nagauri
Hindu, Turk (Muslim), nor Peshawari
Nor do I live in Nadaun

Bulleh to me, I am not known

Secrets of religion, I have not known
From Adam and Eve, I am not born
I am not the name I assume
Not in stillness, nor on the move

Bulleh to me, I am not known

I am the first, I am the last
None other, have I ever known

I am the wisest of them all
(Thoda sa hitch hai .. got carried away i guess)
Bulleh do I stand alone?

Bulleh to me, I am not known

~Baba Bulle Shah














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Aug 31, '09



Kaleidoscope….3….
Some say .. he died at that spot and his devotees built his dargah there…. Others say he died at mecca and his body miracously floated back to the very spot …. So they made the dargah there ….. in any case … one thing is certain .. he certainly died …. It happens to be the favorite “blessings seeking point” for the legionnaires of all religions …… anyways .. he didn’t know all that … the miracles of floating body that is …till he reached the place …. Its many meters inside the sea …. The path is interesting ….. the approach is from the other side of the road is through a subway …. It has its usaual share of filth and hawkers, starving dogs sleeping humans … a not so narrow path leads to the dargah .. lined by hawkers .. starting with eateries which incidentally block the view of the holy site from the road….other hawkers selling the holy chadar , holy music, holy books , holy flowers, holy CDs, toys for kids, other trinkets, stuff for women and a place selling shades as well ..ek dum complete low income family outing .. complete package khana bhi shopping bhi god bhi …. Everything is holy … buy a chadar and the fellow will arrange a marvelous darshan as well … each holy chadar seller claims his is holier than the one the next guy is selling …. He doesn’t buy any chadar .. the saint apparently has enough he guesses…… at a point the stalls end …. Its like a jetty now .. sea on both sides …… humans lining both sides of the path … bowls in front of them …. This a human variety too .. we know them as beggars … all kinds of them .. young, very young, old, very old , totally crippled or partially crippled , blind…. Some accost you to help them in the name of allah … some entice you with .. tum ek paisa doge woh dus hazaar dega ….. some just sit there oblivious of u …. The pilgrims look at them .. but aoid eye contact …. If the eyes contact … they ask you to give … the cripples are the innovative lot ….. they keep shaking the crippled limb .. it is gory scene … its jarring …. They are displaying their physical handicap … exploiting their handicap … it’s a gory show business … and they are pretty clinical about it …. Its like a rhythmic routine … inbetween they break the routine chat in a normal voice and are back at shaking and chanting …. There is a special group there .. four of them … all crippled … al lying on the ground .. each has a missing limb … they have made a circle with their bodies… they chant and shake their lost limb in unison …. Its rhythmic .. their chants and the movements of their limb .. they presume their strength is in numbers.. people throw coins in their middle … he is close to the dargah now …. Its front walls are marred by an eyesore of construction .. completely out of sync with architecture of the dargah itself …. He enters the main gate .. people are clicking photos with the dargah in the back ground …. There are many places where you can keep your shoes … you can give a voluntary donation to the keeper … all young boys … there is a qwali team .. singing the praises of the saint …. Everybody is equal in the house of the lord ..right? .. well .. they have a separate entrance for women??? … while the men enter from the main door .. there is a side door for women …. I always wonder .. how come their aint any women saints .. u know … koi dargah nahi hai ..kyun .. I know kyun …. But then lets let that be ….He enters the dargah … the dargah is huge .. too big for a man .. then he realizes its all them chaddars that have increased the size ….. he goes and stands in a corner .. the keeper of the dargah .. has a peacock feather brush which he uses to bless all the offerings … and the bowed heads of devotees. …. Its interesting to see how people behave in the house of their lord … so demur, so sheepish, so hushed up , so holy, so docile, heads covered, complete subservience … its interesting to watch the guy soon after he walks out of the holy hall …. Ha ha … on the side a few privileged old men with beads in their hands are praying fervently …. Men touch the chaddar the dargah with all the daintiness and subservience they can gather and then touch their own chests and heads … hoping the holiness passes on to their bodies … heh heh .. he looks at the women's side … women aren’t allowed to touch the dargah ….ha ha … whats this man .. that’s takin celibacy too far .. .. the pour souls standing on their bare soles pray from a distance ……. He walks out after the holy experience … some people walk out backwards afraid of turning their backs to the …….. my front is purer than my back .. is it…?? … he listens to the qawali fellow for a while … the structure of the dargah is beautiful … he walks to the shoe point … this hep thing walks in with her group … i don’t want to take off my shoes I will just stand here she proclaims rolling her eyes and turning up her nose …. He smiles … by the time he is done wearing his shoes .. she is engulfed by all the holiness around her … her shoes are off .. her head covered … she walks in through the side door … he is back on the jetty now …. Reaches the circle of four humans … they are shakin half a leg and chanting in the same rhythm …………………………… divinity thy ways are mysterious ……



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Aug 30, '09



Kaleidoscope ....2....... Mumbhai.....
His car was speeding along the queen’s necklace …. Seven in the morning …. He looked at the joggers, the walkers in all colors , shapes and sizes, headphones in their ears, long hair , short hair, missing hair…. some getting pulled by their dogs.. some pulling their dogs, sniffing dogs, piddling dogs … some  people sweating, some lazing , some conscious of their appearance, some couldn’t care less , some genuine .. some pretenders … some beautiful.. some average …. Some sitting on the ledge facing the sea .. some facing the road .. some gawking at sweetthings passing by …. Some yawning ……… a healthy morning … he smiled …. A happy dog … a shady cat…. Pigeons … other birds in skirts …. Some boats out in the sea …… a light house, a buoy….. Blink …….. his car was in a busy street …. Highrises on one side…. Thatched blue plastic covered huts, shacks, on the other … little children in rags or near rags, dirty bare feet, frolicking on the road side street dogs, slumdogs, scattered filth, … a house half brick half tin sheet clinging to another similar structure for support ... these are homes too.....the only concrete building in the midst of the shanty human dwellings caught his attention …. SS it read …Not SchulzStaffel … but.. Sulabh Sochalaya … he caught the scene as his car crawled past the building ….. that smell …wet floor, a young man sitting on a chair .. collecting user fee … 1 buck …. A woman with a broom … two kids at the main door laughing and playing in the courtyard of the SS …. A good-morning … healthy morning ..? …. His car crawls past the rest of the shanty line … jagged doors, rusted roofs, wetness, …….. he wonders about the life of the SS keeper …. Early morning everyday …. Day in day out … the man is there in that smell … that environment …. Makin a living ….. that woman maintaining the hygiene …. Those children growing up in that early morning aroma ….. he tries to imagine how it would be … to wake up early morning every day, and start his day that way ………….. they are alive …. And so is he …. Jogging along the queen’s necklace ……….. that stays with him ….. that SS living …… not that he is going to put his billions where his thoughts are ……. Just that ….. …. …. …. …. …. … … …. … do the angles of spirituality/souls/free energy/horoscopes/destiny/goD/feng shui/su kyi/kyun ki/maa ki/ …. Apply to them …… as they eke out a living … does moksha apply to them .... perhaps ……. He reaches his destination …… it’s a place that treats the sick ……. All kinds of sick … virtual sickness however still evades a cure … anyways…. the visit over .. there is one last thing to see ….. its called the mortuary ……. The place of the dead …. A place where they keep unclaimed bodies …. Bodies of erstwhile humans …… bodies cared for by the humans ….. the place …. Its in the middle of the metro …. It has a capacity … the population however incapacitates that capacity …. Rather the dead do that …. The caretakers of the place cant fathom why he wants to see whats inside …. he insists … they shrug … at your own peril sir …. Take a mask …. They walk in …. That corridor …. That smell Hits him …. He braves it … they open the first door and vanish … its a huge room … that smell engulfs and the fumigating agent hits his eyes … the scene in front of him ….. well …. Oh well …. Lets just say there is body, and another, still another, still another …. Some cut open, some intact ….. that smell … A man working inside (will spare u the details of the work) ….. he has seen enough .. his companions have already vanished ….. there is another room to be seen … a cold storage …. With those western style storage areas .. ya must have seen in the movies … a grieving hero identifying his kin in that swanky glazed steel environs ….shedding a tear or two … This is the same too .. just that its overcrowded with the dead …. They are all over the floor as well … some cut open some intact … that smell again … dignity of the dead … ??? … sorry …. That’s the way poor and the homeless, the unidentified lie ….. somebody was sayin .. 21/2 kgs of desi ghee is reqd to burn the body for moksha attainment …… ha …ha .. they were people too .. whatever happens to their moksha … its all a hoaksha .. hoax .. I mean …. Anyways … those who work there ... He wonders … day in day out …. Surrounded by the dead…. Ever heard of a ghost haunting a mortuary … never …the goddamn ghosts are scared of that hell … but people work there … earn their bread there!!! .. did u say you were not satisfied with your job …? .ha ha …… he walks out that smell filling him softly ha ha .. his companions are not even talking … shaken and stirred ……. The day over ……. As the evening approaches …… they decide to visit Haji Ali .........3....



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Aug 30, '09



PD … three weeks ago … Kaleidoscope ..1 ..
Hola .. u all .. have been away awhile … PD in military parlance means a Permanent Defence …. Well … don’t cha worry wont be talkin defence or offence … PD .. also happens to be the initials of my Frriend.. hah … but wont be talkin of me friend either …. PD is one of a kind .. Picture this … moonlit night … hmm .. cool breeze… a little drizzle … …whatcha thinkin am hintin? … am strollin on the road outside the casualty dept of me hospital …watching the white smoke from me lips disappear into the darkness….. can see the yelping traffic on the the busy , road .. Right across the road a brightly lit auditorium .. happy audi…. Celebrating an event … loud music …. Asha Bhosle singing …I call HER (Not asha bhosle..silly) .. want her to listen to Asha…. She picks up .. my right ear rings with melody of her “Hullo”…. My left drowned in the cacophony of horns, engines, drums and Asha…. Wanna hear Asha sing? … all she can hear is the din on the road and drums… she isn’t singing right I tell her… we disconnect….so used to hear her(ASHA) croon … but this time it sounds like a croak … me shake my two heads .. rub me four ears … still .. it don’t sound croon it sounds croak .. Am ready to write off Asha .. but I guess she is havin a bad throat day …. Half way through the song she realizes something is amiss .. tones her voice down .. changes the song … seems to work … attempts .. to lift her voice again .. the voice cracks again … the rain picks up … i move into the the corridor of the casualty.. see a diminutive masked form … tis the H1N1 season … a mask for that very reason …. ask the mask … can I help u …. The mask is morbidly scared of having contracted the the ‘big’ killer … the reason!... a friend from dubai sat next t her and sneezed … well! … I attempt the doctor act …. can hear Asha croak desperately in the background … counsel the mask and her relative that there is nothing to worry …. explain the transmission process … I seem to make headway ……. Finally the mask takes off the mask .. we say bye bye …. Out the corner of me eye catch a group of six people movin towards the reception … two of them in the foreground the reaming four lurk in the background …..we come face to face .. 20 feet apart … this middle aged man… lookin shaken and quite stirred … puffed face declaring a age old love for alcohol … he is havin a bad hair day as well … a bruise on the forehead …….. he holds my attention … Am about to ask him ..What? … and then I hear a KOOOOO …. It takes me a second to register where that sound came from … I look at the person next to him …. A good two feet smaller than him.. PD.. …. He is holding her by the wrist ….. KOOO she goes again.. shut up he says …. She wriggles out of his hold and moves back into the waiting hall …. KOOOO .. she goes again ….. he follows her .. so do the other four … I follow them into the waiting hall… My eyes move to PD ..Ruffled perm hair ….. my eyes meet hers … big eyes … a bruise over her left eye ….. she turns around.. prances away … rearranges the curtains of the waiting hall .. turns back .. walk towards me … looks into nothingness … and generally addresses nothingness … See this? Pointing to the bruise on her left eye …. Turns around again … walks off to the end of the hall … her three escorts dutifully following her … babee ruko .. tryin to control her … I look at he middle aged man … dad … help me! He says .. she hit me … that B*%@!... I cant it anymore… its been 8 years , I chucked my job because of her, she has destroyed my house broken everythingI want to put her in the asylum …. He is shakin… rapidly moving his hands …. Easy sir, I tell him , why don’t you sit down, …. He considers the suggestion sits down… takes a breath .. give me me her diagnosis…. Out the corner of me eye I watch ..PD .. reaarnaging the chairs .. coming out of one cubicle … getting into the other … she is all over the place at the same time … her mom .. she is like chill .. a smirk on her face … shows me her prescriptions … apparently PD was heavily sedated just an hour back .. the drugs don’t seem to be working … she is like fish out of water … only that she is happy breathin the air … everyone else around her is flappin mad .. the waiting hall is all full of motion … I really don’t want the furniture re-arranged .. her escorts are tryin to control her .. but they are all keeping safe distance ….. time to apply doctorly control …. I move to the cubicle that has momentarily holding PDs attention … stand at the door … PD is standing next to the exam couch .. drawing the curtains and then redrawing them….. Hey .. I say … whats your name ? …. She is on the couch now … Pat comes the reply .. Ask my dad! .. Yeow I smile … perfect snub .. she gets off the couch .. I size her up … she is all dynamite … blistering with energy … ready to explode ….she is driven her dad near nuts her escort is scared to approach her … Power of her untamed mind….. I like her .. I don’t want her manhandled or shouted at … why don’t you lie down .. I suggest … she walks right upto me tries to move out of the door…. You are not going out .. I tell her … why don’t you don’t lie down … Ok ! she says .. gets on the couch .. covers herself with the blanket… I stay at the door … 2 minutes later is up and wants to go out again …No I say again .. try n get some sleep … she doesn’t look at me …. Goes and sits on the doctors chair …. Can I write him a letter ? .. she asks.. sure I say … Him? .. I think .. who is him … Can I have a pen she asks ? .. I give her one… she picks up a prescription slip and starts to write … she writes signs and when she is done .. she gives me the slip … its not a letter .. she has written a prescription complete with her name and all … the name ..P….. D…. DOB 26 Oct 83 … she gets up … picks up a torch … I ask her to give it to me .. she doesn’t …. That’s a neat weapon that torch … I don’t want it flung around… I take it from her .. she doesn’t let go easy …. You really don’t need it I tell her .. she lets go … Can I write another letter she says .. sure I say …. She repeats the exercise …. Hands me the prescription again .. wants to go out again .. I say No again .. am waiting for the psychiatrist ….. she receds back into the cubicle … discovers the wash basin .. washes her hands .. wants to write a letter again .. we reapeat the action .. letter done .. I ask her to lie down …. Ok ! she says … lies down … I keep at the door … am thinking about her .time passes … 15 mins later .. she gets up from the couch .. walks right up to me .. and says … Get out of my way Prashant … wow! I cant help but smile ..i am struck by the familiarity with which she addresses me …. must have read my name from the name tab … I stand there in her way .. smiling .. saying no .. she isn’t lookin at me … but really wants to go out … when I don’t relent .. she moves back … sits on the chair … she really has had enough of the room …. She gets up .. pacing in front of me … Ok! She says out loud .. how long am I going to be here … till such time u sleep I say …. I don’t want to sleep … I don’t want you to leave the room I counter … Ok ! she says … how long are you going to keep me here … as long as it takes for you to sleep I say .. fine …. What if she says .. what if .. I Want to shit.. then what? .. .. WHAM!! …..THAT CAME OUT OF THE BLUE .. ek dum googly…… am bowled …she is standing a foot away from me .. her eyes at the level of my chest … her posture declaring she has won…. I let her out … completely outplayed … tell her where the Loo is .. she doesn’t go there .. walks the other way … starts rearranging the furniture again … gets into the other cubicle ….. she has had her victory …..we do the routine again … ias k her to lie down .. she wants to write a letter to ‘him’ again …. She writes … hands me the letter …. I ask her to lie down … she lies down ..covers her with the blanket .. sleeps off .. letting the drugs act on her …. I stay at the door …. The psychiatrist arrives to find find PD sleeping ….. counsels the parents …. We send Sleeping PD back …. Time reads 2330 ….. time passes .. there are other patients …… I find my pen missing .. realize PD has it …… two hours later …. The middle aged man walks back into the clinic … wobbling .. his forehead bleeding …. He also has a gash in the centre of his head … his movements out of sync with his injury, bleeding cuts alright… but nothing that serious that would make him wobble .. … he is badly shaken and pretty animated… we make him sit …. PDs mom walks in, the same smirk on her face …PD in toe …. This time there is no escort …. The dad requires stitches ….. my junior goes for the sewing …. PD is prancing again … same routine .. I get her into a cubicle again …. Am at the door again .. askin mom in a what happened ….she woke up on reaching her home …. She likes to paint mom says and was going through her paintings …. Her mom asked her to sleep …apparently PD didn’t like the suggestion … so she grabbed mom’s hair … dad came to rescue …. And dad got hit twice by a pen .. once on the forehead and once on the head …. Hmmm …. I look at PD …. Lying on the couch …. I call the senior psychiatrist … he arrives …. PD and her doctor know each other … he talks to her firm and loud … PD succumbs to pressure …. Made to lie down on the bed … and is medicated ….we stand there… she appears to be sedated …. 15 mins later she is up and about … this time… she is restrained to the bed .. well .. restrained is a politically correct word for an action that entails tying her to the bed …. It has to be done …. To prevent her from harming herself and harming others around her …. As she is being tied …She whimpers No ..please No .. her pleading gives me goose bumps … now that she is restrained and realizes she cant move…. she gives in … sleeps off in the uncomfortable position ….. we put screens around her …ensuring her privacy and insulating other patients from the sad image for her tied to the bed… its essential …. Has to be done … she is a risk to herself and others …. Half an hour later the psychiatrist wants to leave .. suggesting that now that she is all tied up and sleeping there isn’t any risk .. I tell him ..Honey ! .. u aint leavin this place till PD leaves .. I cant shift her to a ward he says ….casualty is no place for a patient like her I remind him …. Compromise … he stays till parents are assured that PD is safely knocked out till morning .. when her definitive treatment can begin…. So we recede to our “resting place” … light up … in the haze of the smoke … we discuss PD, the case… 8 years of torment … an exec with an MNC when her head is not on a trip …. Her congenital susceptibility to the illness of the head …. The trigger event of breakup with a him …. The possible cure ….. the image of her tied to the bed makes me uncomfortable …… the clock indicates 4 in the morning … PD .. asleep .. behind the screens.. blissfully ..all tied up … her parents …. Groggy eyed sitting in the waiting hall … PD can go home now …. Untie her … put her in the ambulance …. Off she goes …………………..an odd vehicle passes on the road … its chilly and quiet …… a stillness unaware of the chaos inside PD’s head …. Unaware of the pounding heart of the mask ……… a solitary crow croaks … the happy audi is lit up .. but quiet now … silence awaits the dawn …. ASHA still floats despite the croaking .. meanwhile that “superpower” that controls the earth goes on scheming …. Somebody was sayin …. Karma hai ….. as u sow so shall u reap … now what did PD sow …….. destiny ..goD ….something she did in past life ….. Huh! …..
PS : PD suffers from what is called wrongly called “split personality” in lay terms … Split personality is most abused word in the sane world ….to a degree each one of is split … wide open or narrow … Came across a write by a bullet biting gent who has suffered a massive loss of friends while serving the country …its the friends who have lost their lives but somehow he continues to suffer … more aptly suffers in public view ….. … the fellow apparently was castigated for possessing something like 10 or 12 fropper IDs…. Apparently badly hurt by the supposed gossip mongering on fropper … one wonders …. Why gents who have looked at death in the eye(death is perhaps one eyed ..i wouldn’t know) more often than having breakfast and who bite bullets more often than chewing on lunch… whine about gossip and why do such gentlemen blame other people for their supposed anguish ….. beats me …. And YO … the write was a private mail to a comeback person …. It got published in the garb of starving some pathetic animal ….. fropper celebrates the Return of the Jedi ( don’t miss the I…in the 40 or so line profile of the JedI .. one can find as many as 27 I’s, and a knife is also thrown in for good measure …. I, me ,myself and my knife …. Welcome back Jedi…)






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Jul 29, '09





 
Its 530 in the evening …. Am sittin in a local canteen .. u can call it a café …. If you are in love with the French or their language or their first lady or their tongue in his cheek, foot in his mouth President … or perhaps … the female of the French species ….. however if u r the café coffee day types … and prefer that sick sounding abbreviation …. CCD … don’t read on .. this is the end of the road for u …. otherwise .. canteen should do jus fine … have had an average day … an average day in me average life … sippin an average cuppa tea .. I savour the unsavoury taste of machine dispensed tea ….. the sky above me is dark , an average monsoon day … drizzles and then it fizzles……. I watch the smoke rings as they emanate from my mouth and reach out to the universe….. the smoke mingles with universe ….. me and universe are now one … am one with the universe … and all its forces and energies flowing centrifugally and centripetally around me , inside me through me…. I still continue to be an average ordinary every day dude …….. I inhale on my smoke …. I let it suffocate all the cancer cells inside me …… I continue to be average and ordinary dude minus the cancer cells inside of me… it’s a pleasant evening …. Am sitting outside the house of life and death (hospital ..if u insist) …the quiet and calm…am fiddling with me phone … I call this chica .. her number is busy … apparently she is talkin to another chica … I disconnect… an ambulance passes by at a distance … its followed by another vehicle, then another and another .. still another …. Its like a convoy … I ask the canteen boy, bahut raunak hai aaj ? … haan sir, he says ….. woh do log … ladka ladki … phansi laga liye ….. kuch pyaar vaar ka chakkar tha… ghar waale mane nahi…he smiles as he says so … me says … hmmm …. Kub hua …. Yesterday night at Hadpsar he says ….. the bodies of erstwhile human beings are leavin for the crematorium/auditorium/cemetery after the post-mortem exam …. Hence the rush …. For a split second I try to imagine them doing it (hanging themselves …. I mean .. lest u think something else)… I try to imagine their moment of self destructing insanity …. Kya socha tha them two? ….. in next life ….. hum phir milenge …. The conspiring universe will help us meet again ….. I try to imagine the anguish of the people in the vehicles …… I don’t imagine much …. The last vehicle in that convoy of death was a mud coated car …. .. that’s the image the that stays with me …. Sad mud coated anguish of death on wheels… it doesn’t last long .. the split second …. There is an empty glass on my table… cheap and plastic … I ask the canteen boy to remove it …. I light another smoke …. I kill more cancer cells …. I get missed a call …. Chica ………………



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Jul 25, '09



kismat ya karm... kismat  karo .. karm karo ..

What lies beneath is a direct translation from the Red Book of astrology.. the gospel of the science of astrology ...with of course.." i couldnt help it" bits ....

everybody says whatever god has written in our fate will happen. if it is so then why work? let whatever that is happening , happen.(....there are.. some really 'happening' girls on fropper.. anyways.. thats not the point ....), if somebody is sick(am not talkin sick in the head..)then let that person remain sick( now am talkin sick in the head).. if its written in his fate, he will get well .. or else he will end up in a well...... where is the need to give him medicine or some other treatment. if its written in someones fate that she will get rich then she will (she wont have to marry a rich old man.... as it is there aren't any rich old men on fropper).. there will be no need to worry on how to make money.
Fate and work both are essential.( i work so hard to get the attention of the 'happening girls' .. something or the other keeps going wrong .. sometimes saraswati sits on me tongue .. sometimes the girl thinks am an intellectual .. when she finds out i just do spell checks .. she baulks)...  Without fate one cant work and without work fate wont work. If a poor fella wins a lottery of 1 lakh,( 1 lakh was a big ammount in 1944) people say, it was in his fate so, without working hard he got it. but you will have to agree that there will still be a need for him to put an effort and keep trying. He will have to put in an effort to get that money from the lottery company, or an effort will be required to deposit the money in a bank for safe keeping and then again he will have to put in some kind of effort to spend that money'"('. so that means only when fate and work combine that one will be happy.
Meaning thereby .. work without fate wont work and without work fate wont work...catch22. To do your karma you need intelligence...catch 33...  intelligence on the other hand is gotten by fate..catch 44. A person who has a good .. like real good fate .. his intelligence will work too. thats why it has been said .. vinaash kale vipreet budhi... arthat ...before any harm comes to a person his intelligence goes for a six.... and when something good has to happen to a person ..then his intelligence will stimulate him to work in a such a way that he achieves happiness (heads i win tails you lose) But nobody wants that his/her intelligence should go bad and also that nobody ever agrees to the fact that his/her intelligence is not workin fine. If a person agrees that his intelligence is not workin fine, then he gets uncomfortable and worked up and tries to figure out what he should do to get his intelligence working properly... if such a person finds another person who can help him get his intelligence back on track, then he gets rid of his problem, however, he will only find such a person if his fate is like good ...catch 55... ek dum five star good .. that brings us back to the same old story that fate is called work(karma/effort)and that its only with work that fate is made. Did the egg make a hen or did the hen make an egg? this is the eternal question jiska essence nobody has been able to understand(not even eternalessencefoever). noboby has been able to understnad which one of the two is of primary importance, in the same way, work without fate and fate without work ... dont work... (same old catch)..... the work you do today will decide your fate tomorrow. .. (absoultely no catch)...BUT .... THE WORK THAT YOU HAVE DONE IN YOUR PAST LIFE AND THE WORK THAT YOU ARE DOING IN YOUR PRESENT LIFE ... CONSPIRE/ AGGREGATE TO MAKE YOUR FATE IN THIS LIFE....catch 66.. ARTHAT ... IF THE CONSEQUENCE OF THE WORK YOU HAVE DONE IN YOUR PAST LIFE IS THAT YOU HAVE TO SUFFER IN THIS LIFE THEN THE WORK THAT YOU DO IN THIS LIFE WILL HELP only to MITIGATE THE EFFECTS OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IN YOUR PAST LIFE .. catch 77.. BUT ... (AND THIS REALLY TAKES THE CAKE)...the effect of the work that you have done in your past life will always be prime in your present life ... the ultimate catch..... for example.. a factory makes 4 machines, one of 10 horsepower, second of 20 horsepower, third of thirty horsepower and the fourth of forty horsepower . the maker of the machines gives detailed written instructions on how to operate them when you buy them and along with the instructions comes a guarantee. if the machine operator is intelligent then he will make his machines work for a very long time .. if on the other hand he is an idiot he will spoil his machines in no time. ISI PRAKAR ... you with your work can negate/ spoil the effect of good stars in your janam kundli and can also through your work undo the effect of bad stars in your janam kundli .................astrology ..  is a jalebi .... gol gol ghuma kar .. tumhari hamari vulnerability ke saath play kar ke ..... humara baja bajete hain....................?


Astrology is a science because the fellow holds your hand ... looks into your eyes ... and then tumhara .... chu@*ya kat ta hai .... kya pehna hai haath mein .. neelam, ya moti, ya monga, ya panna, ya pukhraaj  ?

itni bakwaas jo mene abhi tak ki hai .. uska arth yeh hai ki .... dimaag ka istemal karo ... yeh jo occult hai .. gol ghumata hai ... ghumo .. but at your own terms ... with neelam/ raj on your side .. not on your fingers ... and janam kundli .... please ..... chauthe ghar mein raahu hai .. ki maa ki ...........................................................................

janam to ho gaya hai .. koi vidhi ka vidhaan nahi hai ki tum is dharti pur aaye ho ... there is no superior motive of our existence ...  apart from being a good human being ....20 horsepower ki hamari machine is not being operated by an omnipotent power that will alter our life because of the neelam on our hand .. on the other hand.. the right neelam/raj on your side ... might make things ... well ... interesting ... karm karo ..... kis karo....bus...



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Jul 23, '09



The Party... the romantic you and the shoe...

its an organised wannabe rave ... happy and trying to be happening ... people .. more people .. still more people ... hosted by people who have achieved some success ... its a celebration of their triumph ..... u .. in a world of your own .. get invited ... its even got a dress code.. u reach there with a couple of friends .. u congratulate the achievers on their success ...... it is meant to be a Do ... but it really isn't ... its got a band .. its playing old hindi ... one song .... goes .. roz roz aakhon tale, ek hi sapna chale.. raat bhar kajaal jale ... its from the movie .. jeeva .. u haven't seen the movie ... the lyrics u catch in the cacophony of the assembled human conudrum ... hit u .. u let them hit u .. u pretend to chill .... u savor your drink chat up a few people .. meet a few wandering eyes... u see pretty faces .... u wanna dance .. . definitley not to the roz roz song and not with those pretty faces.. but the band changes gear and plays that... i wanna live it my way, why can't it be friday.... u r there but u r not ... besides it is a sunday....u have this thing in u .. and u know u have it ... the wandering eyes know u have it ... u engage those eyes as u sip your alcohol ... but your head is elsewhere ... u see that FORM ... in everything you see ... u feel that presence everywhere u go ... u shake ur head ... but it stays .. u stand at the bar ... ur head floats elsewhere .... its one of those cocktail parties .... u experiment with all the tails .... the vodkas, the rums , the scotch, the wines .. the works ... but your head stays elsewhere ... u r at the party ... but in the world of your own ... the music blares ... it scares the blair witch away .. but ur head stays elsewhere ... u decide to make a move .. u thank the hosts ... u get on ur bike ... its that 500cc thing .... its the big boy .. and u go vroom ... u feel the air rush through your hair ... but ur head stays elsewhere ... it was a formal do u know ... u r wearing one of those lace less shoes ... and guess what ... u drop a shoe as u change the gear .. ha ha ... but then u carry on ... u dont pick up the shoe ... too lowly .... so there u r romantic and all .. minus the shoe ... but the thing is .. the FORM still does'nt leave u ... what do u do ... its a virtual world .... its a heady mix .... its this thing called life ... its real and its virtual and makes you an offer you can't refuse ... carry on living .. shoe or no shoe ..



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Jul 23, '09



hmmm .. kal kuch aisa tha ... thoda waisa tha .. jaisa bhi tha .. kal tha... sham ko... one of me friends .. while talkin shop ... suddenly comes up with this ... kal subaah .. surya grahan hai ... me gives him a disaaprovin look ..his tongue persists on the accelerator despite my speedbreaker smile ...from mornin 530 to 730 ... dont eat or drink anyhting at that time ... me smirks .. he smiles .. carries on .. iska daan karna uska daan karna ... me says ... jaaneman hum to grahan ko grhan lagate hai .. .. if i eat whats gonna happen .. he gives me that mysteroius smile .. anyways me says .. tis too early to eat .. but will make point to eat ..... and drink too .... he gives me that knowing smile ... he believes i am dilebrately antichrist ... like complete filmy angry young man ..angry at god because of injustice done by god .. ek dum complete,bilkul hi melodramatically angry .....yaad hai wo dialogue Mr AB ka ... KUSH TO BAHUT HOGE TUM ... . him prancing around that idol .....ha ... angry young man and all .... chalo theek hai let me rephrase it .. angry but no longer young, man....... anyways ... me reaches home .. to find me mom reminding me ... kal suraj grahan hai .... take a bath .. ha ha ha .... now thats practical ... me asks her to wake me up early .. its a daily ritual(compleletely unreligious at that) .. i tell her wake me at four ... thats her puja time ... so then our routine starts .. dot at four .. i get shaken but i dont stir .... dot at ten past four .. i get shaken but again i dont stir .... the game continues .. after awhile when she has had enough ..between chanting of her mantras .. she shakes me and adds a dash of water to her itineray of wakin me... i wake up ... today .. i woke up and asked for tea .. she says .. no tea.. suraj grahan .... me looks at the sky .. its all goddamn cloudy and dark ... hey come on .. there is no sun rays reaching us ... she says woh grahan ka asar hai .. me says .. baarish ho rahi hai yaar ... she just walks back to her mandir ... me gets up makes coffee ... drink it ... time reads .. 0545 .... bilkul set ... am waiting for armageddon .... nothin .... its that drizzly Pune morning ... that lil chill ... that happy breezy wetness...as i get ready to leave for office .. am presented with chawal and kali ddal in a plate .. uncooked ... am asked to touch it and handed a 5 rupee coin .. now thats what is called a fasst track daan ... i ride to office ... a form crosses me mind .. i shake my head .. it doesnt go away ... it stays there right in front of my eyes ... smiling ... that dazzling smile .. i smile back .. rain hitting my face ... its a short ride to office ... but that form has left me shaken and stirred ....... its a half day today.... and half way through the day ... as i go out for a smoke on the top floor of my office ...as i climb the stairs i feel the form climbing the stairs with me ... i feel the happy chill .. i smoke .. the form stays ... i rub my eyes ... its still there ... i feel the eclipse ... complete and total .... i give her a call .. she says hi .. i die .. who needs a goddamn grahan .... the day is supposed to end at 130PM.... it ends at 830PM.... as the day ends and me eyes look at my watch .. me brain shouts ... goddamn blasphemous Coffee ...
 


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