This is the last and concluding part of the series which began with Koi Jab Tumhaara Hriday Tod De and continued with Koi Jab Tumhaara Hriday Tod De- Part 2
This part has been contributed by the person who asked me write this series in the first place. He doesn’t wish to post is as his own blog and so has asked me to post it on mine. His zone ID is Buddhasphere. If you liked the series, give credit- and thanks- to him. He has changed the name of the protagonists from Chandini to Chanda and from Annu to R. Chandini to Chanda was a rebellion against the inherent dependence depicted therein I think. The reason for the change in the second one I don’t know.
I know you’re going to be annoyed Gautam. Lol… but then you know how I am, don’t you?
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Chanda thought, lucidity and brevity are the two qualities called for today. I must offer, not just comfort, but pen my thoughts so as to afford my understanding to my friend and help her out of a seemingly hopeless maze.
There was so much to explain. There were many small pieces of a jigsaw, which she should have to put together, to lead R to clarity. She softly prayed- Oh God help me compose not a letter, but a guiding map of a new consciousness.
A small furrow on her forehead revealed her efforts at concentration. She started typing in earnest. The words flowed, somewhat haltingly. But soon, they flowed effortlessly.
My Dear R,
I can not only understand your anguish, I can feel it, know it, as if it was my own. Because, I have been through it. I want to console you. But mere consolation is not the solution. Hence, more than that, I’d like you to know how I countered my pain and jubilantly emerged as a new person.
Believe me, you too can and must.
R, to begin with, feel your pain in its totality. Then discard it like one throws away a squeezed lemon. But do go one step ahead and try to understand it. I know it is an exacting task, a tall order at such a juncture. But it has to be done, because it is only your awareness, which can guide and lead you to a world, marked by self- assurance and serenity. A world, which all of us possess, but do not explore. Or to use the language of the web, never login.
I know that, the repercussions of betrayal have a familiar self-defeating pattern. It is mostly about loss of self-esteem, wallowing in self-pity, transferring your anger to target, the very people, who are trying to help you and isolating oneself, as if it were a panacea for agony.
Surprisingly, I thank God that, the pattern is so predictable. Because, in its familiarity lies its vulnerability. It is easy to defeat it.
So, keep the faith and take the first steps. Like I did.
Small, yet significant, tasks first. Understand that just like a bird flies with two wings, so should we humans live and operate with our two wings- intelligence and instinct. Make use of both the tools. Use only one and your life is likely to go into a tailspin.
Next, discriminate between being emotional and being sensitive. You are emotional when you allow an emotion to take charge of your intellect. It is akin to a nation surrendering its sovereignty. You do not retain your identity, but become the very personification of an emotion. Say rage or greed.
Look at the word E-motion as I have typed it. Take away the alphabet ‘E’ and what remains is motion. Emotions are vehicles with a thrust or momentum, which can carry or sweep away an unwary person into committing a unpremeditated act.
Someone insults you and before you realize, the momentum of anger has activated your hand, to slap the person.
Being sensitive entails witnessing your own emotions and commanding them at will. You create a distance between yourself and them. You are now like a conductor directing an orchestra of diverse emotions, to unfold the sweet symphony of autonomy or independence. You rule. You are the master. Not some emotion.
Someone insults you, but your witnessing gives you the time to look at your anger in amusement.. You can even have a healthy banter with it and emerge a winner, as the freedom your witnessing has given you is an eloquent repartee.
Now comes the most critical part. Let us explore a host of inter-connected critical factors- self- esteem, self-respect, self-worth and self-image.
Most of us have a fragile sense of worth. Why is it so? I think it is because we do not turn our gaze inwards and try to get acquainted with ourselves. We should, as much as possible, say hello to ourselves, to get a correct picture about ourselves.
Try it and be astonished.
We carry within ourselves a world so incredibly rich that, the natural corollary should be to fall in love with ourselves. It should and invariably culminate into self-love.
Begin the internal audit and you will realize that like most of us, you are a Good Joe. We are a miraculous mix of positive emotions and talents/ multiple intelligences. We are compassionate, honest, forgiving, humorous, trustworthy, sincere, resilient, committed and much more. We possess multiple skills and if we apply ourselves, we can excel in more than three to four fields, in our life- spans.
All of us are gracious souls, in various stages of evolution, moving towards our destination, of self-actualizing our potential.
No wonder, a thinker like Nietzsche says-‘A noble soul has reverence for itself ’. It should. What else could there be. The same thought is echoed by the Atma Pooja Upanishad. It celebrates the self, much like the poet Walt Whitman who wrote-I sing the body electric-I celebrate myself- I contain multitudes.
I can go on. But I want you to find out on your own, because the word self also indicates a lone -single- separate- independent person.
Hence, every aspect associated with the ‘self ‘should be composed from your own thoughts and opinions. In another words, it should be a proprietary concern and not a joint stock company.
Many who are not in touch with then self, falter at this crucial stage and place the opinion of others above theirs. In short, they sell out and betray themselves. Never ever do that
So, build on this knowledge and be justifiably proud of yourself. Not vain or conceited. Do not confuse self-love with selfishness.
What happens when we see ourselves in a new light and start loving ourselves. I think, then begins, the dawn of self-respect, which invariably leads to a robust image of the self and a strong sense of self-worth.
What happens next? Do bear in mind, only an individual in love with himself/ herself can truly love the other. If not, the meeting of such individuals is full of expectations from each other and to put it brutally, it is similar, to one beggar begging off another! Both confronting each other, with empty bowls, having nothing to offer to each other!
When a self-loving individual begins a journey of love, it is with full awareness that, true love subscribes to the credo of equity and reciprocally. Your love should evoke an intense echo in the other. Both should also celebrate each others uniqueness. Not diminish each other. Love is a duet. Not a duel.
We are often in denial and often project the qualities we desire on the other. It is a mistake I committed too. But honestly, apart from that mistake, there was no other lapse on my part.
Once I realized that, I started a journey of self-assessment and found myself. It is crises like this that lead to our getting in touch with our innermost core.
I found that, I had given all of myself and had loved intensely. It made me proud. I was trusting, caring, spontaneous, adaptable and came to the conclusion that, if the person whom I loved did not recognize my worth, then the loss was HIS. Not mine. By pure logic it was he, who should be pitying himself, for losing a wonderful person like me! Not I.
It was a liberating journey and thank God if not for the cad then I wouldn’t have discovered myself.
This letter has been long again. But I don’t think you would need my help anymore. If you do, all you have to do is write me. I am here… within reach.
Take Care,
Chanda
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I’d like to take this opportunity to thanks all the following for taking time to write their own takes on this. Thanks King-Bulls-Ring, Sazzyme , Oasis2003lib and Asylum.
Yipeeeeeeee.. ASY wrote at last. And guys… you need to read this one… WOW…!!!
