The primaries for US presidential elections. This mega event with its interesting side shows is on and stories of guts, glory and gaffe are dime a dozen. Hot debates on international issues which the candidates might not have even thought of in their sleep are the rage of the day. Like the Punjab problem. Hey, the Punjab problem was over decades back right? Absolutely right. Then what is this new funda?

This “Punjab problem” has nothing to do with Punjab. It all began with a joke by Hillary Clinton that she could easily win a senate seat from Punjab. And lo behold. Before the heat and dust of the Democratic primary of Iowa had settled, down her rival for Democratic presidential nomination, Barack Obama’s camp released a memo titled: Hillary Clinton ( D Punjab)’s Personal, financial and political ties to India. The document citing instances like New York based hotelier and co-chairman of Hillary’s Indian Caucus, Sant Sing Chatwal’s pledge to raise $5 million for her election campaign, acceptance of $60,000 as contributions from employees of CISCO systems which outsources work from India, fund raising dinners hosted by steel baron Laxmi Mittal and tycoon S P Hinduja among other bigwigs et al. It is a three page long list. Her’s the header. “The Clintons have reaped significant rewards from the Indian community, both in their personal finances and Hillary’s campaign fund raising…Hillary Clinton has taken tens of thousands from companies that outsource jobs to India. The workers who have been laid off in upstate New York might not think that her recent joke that she could be elected to Senate seat in Punjab is that funny.”

Well, well, well. Leave aside the mud slinging and explore the possibilities of Hillary Clinton as a Senator (read MP) from Punjab. Balle balle, that’s an interesting proposition.

Just pause for a moment and fantasize that Hillary Clinton does not make it to the US presedentship and decides to reincarnate herself as a MP from Punjab. She will have umpteen role models to quote to the media for shifting to India. From Annie Besant, Mother Teresa to Sonia Gandhi. My goodness, what an exotic selection. Let’s figure out what would happen next.

Mobbed by the press on landing at the IG international airport, New Delhi on the way to Chandigarh, Hillary denies intentions of heading the Congress (H) formed in eager anticipation of her arrival by breakaway congress leaders. Instead, she announces the formation of “Shiromani Democratic Dal” and the controlling organization, “Shiromani Democratic Dal Prabandhak Committee” (SDPC) with leading lights of US based diaspora from Punjab as committee members. Soon, Congress (H) merges with Shiromani Democratic Dal.

Hillary’s propaganda team has finalized her election platform too. She will fight for restoration of Punjabi pride by campaigning to ban sardarji jokes. Reacting angrily to this the anti-capitalist communist parties in Kerala and West Bengal proclaim an indefinite hartal claiming that banning sardarji jokes is a human rights violation and promptly go about wrecking public property.

However, sensing a wonderful opportunity to counter their Italian rival, many political parties try to woo Hillary memsahib. Lallu Prasad Yadav, who is rumored to have landed an exclusive booth capturing contract from SDPC, announces a new super fast train from Patna to the communist bastion of Kolkota named Hilarious Rath. Mayawati announces 10% reservation for Americans in government jobs. PMK in Tamil Nadu while retaining the same acronym has changed it slightly. Now known as Punjabi Makkal’s Kakchi, it will campaign among the Punjabi spare part dealers and lorry drivers in Tamil Nadu on behalf of SDPC on a retainership basis. Well, one can go on and on. But let’s end with a very noteworthy happening. Bill Clinton has changed his name to Gill Clinton.

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