Posted on: Feb 06, '08
Will You Be My Valentine?
The howling brigade can howl itself hoarse, it wouldn’t make any difference. Valentine Day is here to stay. They would do better if they quit dunking their head under the sand and look at this concept afresh.
In a way I can sympathize with them. For there was a time I was one of them too. I had no idea why there was so much fuss being made about it. As you have noticed, there is a past tense attached to that sentence.
I have re-defined Valentine Day to suit me better. Traditionally, your Valentine was supposed to be your lover- present or prospective. Lover as in your fellow criminal in romantic love. (… he he he… Sorry..! Gulp….!! Couldn’t help it… Just kind of slipped out… Bola na sorry…!)
I guess this urge to re-define came out of the fact that as far as romantic love is concerned, you get to pick just one Valentine. Seriously, I thought it an utter waste of resources. I thought of the many people who have led an otherwise blameless existence. They were being excluded from being my valentines simply because they didn’t time their entry into my life too well… and some of them actually chose the wrong sex. Arrrrrrrrrrgh..!
So I thought I ought to stretch the thing a mite. All social customs evolve to suit people, don’t they? Moreover, my pride balked at so tamely accepting the decrees of societal norms. I don’t know if you’ve had the privilege of an extended interaction with me, but if you have had, the first thing you would have noticed about me is that I am not frightfully fond of toeing the line. As one of my Valentines would say… AA AA…!! *this sound is accompanied with a vigorous shake of the head in a no... and there you have it… ! *
Re-defined, Valentine Day means this. It is a day on which you remember, express appreciation to and thank all the people who have added value to your life. The people can be selected with no regard to age or gender. Not only have these people added value in the past, but continue to do so. They are the rocks you lean on when you get tired. In Atlas Shrugged, one of the characters (Eddie Willers) describes an oak tree. Eddie says that the oak tree was his biggest symbol of strength. That no matter what he knew the tree would remain… as unshaken… as strong… as changeless… and as supportive as ever.
I am naming my oak trees here- all ten of them. Some of them I have met recently. Some are oooooold friends. It doesn’t matter. I am always able to identify the life-time pals from the quick fix variety. These have been with me for long… and will be here forever.
I have changed the names of all my valentines. There were many reasons for doing this. I didn’t want to embarrass any one. And the first letters of their names didn’t form the word VALENTINES… lol… Also I wanted all of them to guess which one they are… if they are here. I have used anglicized names for them all. Here is a short note to each of my Valentines:
Venus: You have taught me the meaning of grace and poise. The oft repeated and misused word SWEET seems to be coined for you. You spread cheer all around. For the life of me I cannot imagine you angry or mean. You are so warm hearted. You make me want to be a better person. Will you be my Valentine?
Adam: Sometimes I find it difficult to remember that you and I are of the same age. For you surely scold me as one who is far older. Do you remember the looooong mail you had written to me when we met… telling me the do’s and don’ts of net interactions? I still have that mail. In a sense I was fortunate that the first person I met when I went online was you. And it was bad too. Because after reading your mail, I thought, if strangers on the net are so wonderful, surely it cannot be the dangerous place it is said to be. And I was right. Will you be my Valentine?
Lana: You and me and the banks of the Narbada. What can I say about you? You were the kind of student teachers can give their eyes for. To have even one such as you in an entire career is to vindicate all the times when we teachers try desperately to see one spark… and fail. You made all of that struggled worthwhile. Because of you I can say I’m happy I chose to teach. Otherwise I would have missed you. And the thought is intolerable. Will you be my Valentine?
Ernest: I gave you this name deliberately. For you epitomize earnestness. You have called me a BATAER (pigeon isn’t it?) once. I trust you totally. You will never tell me something is good for fear of hurting my feelings. At the same time, no matter what I do, you will always give your unquestioning support. You have told me in so many words that you can never refuse me anything. Please, wont you be my Valentine?
Nicholas: I haven’t words with which to describe you. Even as I type this, my eyes have begun filling up. Four years. It’s a life time, isn’t it? Four years of over 12 hours daily interaction. Four years of you standing behind me like a rock, giving me strength… keeping me sane… and alive. Don’t be embarrassed. You never like me to praise you. But I have to say this. What I am today, is because of you. People may wonder at the work I do. But I know how I was able to do it. I was able to do it all, to bear the biggest setbacks because you were there to soften the blows life dealt me. I know I don’t have to ask you, but I will still. Will you be my Valentine?
Tracy: When I think of you, there are two almost simultaneous emotions I feel. Happiness and worry. You bring a smile to my lips and worry to my heart. The only word that can reasonably sum you up is MADCAP. You are so full of life. You are so impish… so much fun… yet can be so sensitive and serious at times. My grouse with you has always been that you don’t value yourself enough. Stop throwing yourself away. And stop calling me babe dammit…! I’m like your mother…! Lol… Will you be my Valentine BABE…?
Icarus: I have given you this name deliberately. Remember that article I wrote on Icarus? Give yourself a chance to soar too… just once. For the first time since I met you, I know truly what is meant by a running mate. A running mate is someone who runs along with you as you run your race. Offering encouragement, non-judgmental advice and a need to be accountable. I am beginning to think I’ll reach my goals after all- because you are there to nudge me. Will you be my Valentine?
Neal: I am an IT person, but I didn’t know much about the net. You taught me. You also taught me a lot of other things… I was a deadly serious kind of a woman… grim is not the word for it…na? You taught me to be naughty sometimes…lol… You have challenged my ideas and have forced me to explain to things you… which has helped clarify my thought process. You have always had a problem with my out-of-box thinking mind. As is inevitable, we have fought bitterly too. But the intellectual stimulation we provide each other is too valuable for us both. And so we patch up. Will you be my Valentine?
Eliza: It was only recently that you ceased to be a handle... and became a person to me. Do you remember how we hugged… though meeting for the first time? For all the world as if we had a Kumbh Mela or two in our history. You are smart and witty and sensitive. You have fought your own battles, but it speaks of your resilience that you haven’t allowed anything to leave its mark upon you. I feel so comfortable to know you are there. Will you be my Valentine… please?
Sam: You know why you got this name, don’t you? Do you also know how difficult it is for me to write of you? Not because I don’t have anything, but because I have too much. Shall I talk about the way you worry about small things like whether or not I have eaten… or how I’ll go home since it is after 10pm and I’m still in office? Or how I can get the window in my bedroom repaired since it is cold and I might catch a chill…? There are too many things, I cannot write them all. All I will say is that I know I am a hateli … lol… But that’s all right, isn’t it? For you like me that way. So I’ll just ask you one more question. Will you be my Valentine?
I know I am lucky to have so many people to love… and who love me and are concerned about me. Do you, dear reader, feel envious? Please don’t. Take out a piece of paper and a pen and jot down the names of all those who have blessed your life. I bet you can do better than me and can write down the names of more than 10 people. And when you do, don’t just sit looking at the list. Tell those people you love them.
Like I did.
Tags: love, expressing love, valentine day, platonic love
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