Posted on: Mar 07, '08
Not just another eve-teaser thrashing out incident!
I have a habit of creaming eve teasers. It started in college, when I slapped a man when he made some very lewd comments while I was going for lectures. I used to leave home at 5.45 am to catch a 6 am train, and since my house a bit inside I never managed to get a rickshaw and ended up walking alone in darkness during winters.
So one day this guy says something very vulgar and walks away. I shrugged it off as a one-off incident, but the next day I spotted the same guy in the same small lane and again he said the same thing to me. It was an impulse and the back of my hand just swung in his direction! I was surprised, he was shocked... but I never saw the man again.
Anyway, if I give details of all my bashing-ups, it will be longer than Paradise Lost and Regained put together! So, the most interesting one so far...
I was going home, and near Bandra station, one short old guy walks in my direction and touches me. I was anyway grumpy and I totally lost it. I hit him with whatever I had in my hand - newspapers and a hard cover book. He obviously gave a lame 'galti se lag gaya', and as soon as he spoke I realised he was drunk. I got more furious. So, a few more slaps and punches later, two constables show up because of the commotion, and ask old man and me to come to the chowki. I swear for a second I thought I was getting arrested! And I was thinking who would I be calling to get me a bail.
We went inside the chowki and the head constable asked me to sit down on a visitor's chair, saying "Madam pehle aap gussa thandaa kariye", and old man to sit on what seemed like chairs for chors and uchakkas. Head constable (HC) asked me if I wanted anything and I replied a polite no, relieved that I wasn't getting arrested. Yaaaay! Then, I decided to have water and the HC asked the other constable to get me a cutting chai.
Then he took my details down...
HC: Madam, aapka naam?
Nova: Dhaval Roy *he wanted my full name, with middle name too*
HC: Pitaji ka naam?
Nova: Anityalal Roy
HC: Kahan rehte ho aap? *he wanted my address*
Nova: B*** (dude! I didn't abuse, ok? I don't want to put my details out. What if I win a stalker here? Main bechari abla naari!)
HC: Building ka naam, raste ka naam...
*Nova ki tubelight finally chamki and she gave the address*
That done, he turned to the old man (OM). His tone changes from polite to super rude.
HC: Naam bolo
OM: So and so (honestly I don't remember)
HC: Baap ka naam (I almost coughed my chai out, comparing to my 'pitaji ka naam')
OM: Something-something
HC: Rehne ko kidhar?
OM: Andheri
HC: Andheri bahut bada jagah hai. Wahan bahut raaste aur building hai. Post master ko bhi sirf Andheri bolta hai kya?
OM Gives his address
HC: Kidhar kaam karta hai?
OM: Company mein
HC: Acha, maalik ne company ka naam nahi rakha? Kaunsa company?
OM: Such and such
HC: Umar?
OM: 58
HC: Shaadi ho gaya?
OM: haan.
HC: Bachche?
OM: 2 - ek ladka ek ladki
HC: Yeh madam ko dekho, khudko dekho. 58 saal. Madam tumhare beti ki umar ki hai. Sharam nahi aayi chhedne mein?
OM: Galti ho gayi. Main piya hua hai aur balance gaya
HC: Tum log ka yahi problem hai. Ghar pe, office mein, bus ke line mein chuhe ke jaise chalte ho. Peene ke baad chuhe se ekdum sher (flexing his biceps) ban jaate ho.
OM: Sorry saab.
HC: Ab se dost log bolega peeneko toh unko bolne ka 'main peeta hai toh meri biwi ko acha nahi lagta. Main nahi piyega.' Tum ghar pe baithke piyo na, kaiko raaste mein ladki log ko tang karneka?
HC to Nova: Madam aapko police station mein complaint lodge karne ka hai? Is ko teen din hawalat mein rakhenge, chauthe din court mein aana padega.
HC to OM: Complaint hoga toh tumhara office mein letter jayega, tumko naukri se nikalega aur doosra jagah naukri nahi milega.
*I decided against lodging the complaint, especially after I saw a cut I gave that man on the nose. And I thought of his kids*
HC: Dekha madam ka dil kitna badaa hai. Aur tum inko chheda. Chalo maafi maango
OM: Sorry madam. Galti ho gayi.
HC: Aisa nahin. Paer pakad ke...
I was so embarrassed! Old man bent down and I just moved away... HC gets up and takes his baton and tells OM, "Haath aage karo." OM extends his palms.
HC: Haath hataya toh main aur maarega." OM got a nice whack with the constable's baton.
Then, HC tells me, "Ok madam ho gaya. Aap jaiye. Dhyaan se jaiye". OM starts to leave and HC says, "Tum kidhar jaata hai? Ruko..." I'm sure HC detained the guy and let him go only after taking a bribe. The only time I wasn't irritated with the bribe exchange. Khee khee khee
Tags: women's day, women day, womens day
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