Eve Teasing… or was it Adam Terrorizing…?

Almost all of you have heard about my Rampuri. I thought it was time I told the truth- and nothing but the truth- about the blade… SO HELP ME GOD…!! 

Yes, I had a Rampuri... until 3 years back. Then it was stolen along with my handbag. I miss it… the Rampuri, of course. It was given to me by an old flame… way back in 1989. I was working then and wasn’t married. He was from UP and when going home for the holidays asked me if I wanted anything. In jest, I told him to bring me a Rampuri blade. He did…! 

I remember I was disappointed when I saw it. I ran my finger along the blade and complained it wasn’t sharp. He told me the blade is used to cut people not veggies. The point, I was told, has to be sharp enough to draw blood even with a light touch. It did… 

With that I got a couple of instructions on how to use it… and more importantly when NOT to use it. He demonstrated the angles it was most devastating in and was not amused when I wanted to try it on him. In retrospect, I think it WAS a mite rude of me… 

Then came the transfer to Big Horrid Delhi… I was working in Dhaula Kuan area. It was holiday- for some blessed festival or the other. I had gone to office for some stuff. I knew the busses will be packed by evening and so must leave by afternoon. But… you know how it is, don’t you…? Workaholic…. and then once I sit in front of a system I forget time. So it was 7.30 pm… when I got out of the office… that too when the peon told me he’ll shut me up for the night if I don’t leave NOW. 

I belong to a small town. The multitude I saw on the roads took me aback. You know DK square? It is massive, right? I hadn’t room to walk. There was no question of catching a bus. I cringed at the thought of spending money on auto… but resigned myself. No auto… it was 8.30 by then. I kept trying. No dice. It became 9.30… winter time… Now I was worried. Don’t ask me why I didn’t call. This is pre-cell phone era child… go and play… don’t bother me. One STD booth…. But it was a long way off. Anyways call who… God doesn’t answer phones. 

So I thought I better do something- even something damn stupid… or my room-mate would begin calling the police. Weird morose slant she had on things- truth be told. I shuddered to think of the mess I’d get into if I didn’t reach home soon. I had heard of people taking LIFTS. Get up… quick, quick… Go take a peek in the mirror… bet your hair is standing on end..! Mine did too when I gave the fathead suggestion to myself. But SHE won. SHE..? Yeah, the fathead inside my head. SHE can talk good when SHE wants… the nut. 

SHE convinced me it was a grand idea… and that I’ll be safe as long as I was careful. 

“What careful..?” I scoffed... and the hell with the grammer.

“Don’t take a lift in a car... remember what happened last time you did it..?” SHE had lowered her voice conspiratorially. HER tone did my morale a bunch of good. Someday… I promise you… I’ll kill her… the DUMB piece of sodden wood… 

“And look confident… you know cool… Not that you can EVER look cool…The word gauche was coined just for you. Just this once- if it kills you- try looking like you have a spine. Or you’ll get us both up the creek without a paddle”, SHE said encouragingly. 

Great. 

I began flagging 2 wheelers. It was 10.15 by then. They were avoiding me like the plague. No one so much as slowed down. Then… oh, merciful God…! One motorcycle rider stopped and looked back at me inquiringly. I rushed over. 

“Are you going towards Karol Bagh, sir? Can you drop me there..?” I asked when I saw his nod… relief flooding my map. 

I perched myself on his bike and we were off in seconds. DK to Karol Bagh… you have to go by Shankar Road… with Buddha Park on way, right? When we were near the park, he slowed down a bit, turned his head a fraction and said, “Lets sit in the park a while… shall we?” 

Wow. I went cold. Why..? Oh, because those days Buddha Park was serving the same purpose as automobile back seats serve in the States. SHE..? Oh, SHE had disappeared. No smart-ass suggestion from her at all now. But my guardian angel was around and whispered in my ear. I dug out the blade from my bag… I was using it for the 2nd time. I flicked the button and the blade made a musical click. I loved the reassuring sound. He heard it too. I slid my arm under his right arm. He- poor worm- thought I was feeling romantic and so was hugging him. He slid back to come closer to me. I held the knife upright so it was pointing at his nose and whispered, “I have this on your neck. I can slide it in smoothly. Of course, I’ll get hurt too… but you surely will be dead. Ride on please.” 

I felt him shudder. His ardor cooled… and he broke out in sweat. He slid forward again… futilely trying to put distance between us. I retrived my arm and put the point of the blade just inside his collar. He must have felt the trickle of blood. He didn’t say a word until we reached Karol Bagh. I got off the bike, smiled prettily and said thanks to him. I still had the blade in my hand. So I held it up for him to look at properly. The street light glinted on it merrily. I swear he turned blue. Maybe it was the cold... though I dont think so. A corner lout took one look at the blade- another at me and took to his heels like the anaconda was after him- and gaining. I just shook the blade in front of his eyes… like an admonishing finger. He didn’t say anything… and I didn’t either. Only I guess my eyes did. He dropped his gaze, kicked his bike and left. I turned and began my trek home too… 

I doubt if he ever forgot me… or my Rampuri… 

Tags: women's day, women day, womens day, adam, eve, teasing

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