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Trying to let out myself

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Posted on: May 10, '08

Beauty is Skin Deep???

Hi friends

I am here after quite a while. And It FEEEEEEEEEls RRRReal goood to be back. This time I am struggling to preserve my fading beauty(whatever I believe I had). Like everyone who has an inferiority complex about their looks, I have also tried to make myself believe that Beauty is Not Skin Deep. But only to be reassured that atleast for me and only concerning me, it is.

Good God!! I have been going nuts thinking about my face. To tell you the truth, I do have some hormone trouble. So ( as the great doctors tell me) I do have pimples. Now I am going thru worse stage of my pimplean life, with an ET looking face and a painful life(Those pimples hurts like hell). And I am not sure whether it's the depression that's giving all the aches in other parts of my body or I do have some real trouble. Anyway, I have eaten so many medicines that even seeing an empty cover, makes me scream. So finally, now I am going to try Naturopathy. Hope everything gets allright.

What I had actually thought of telling you guys is that, there was a time when I believed and bragged that all that matters is your inner beauty. The beauty of the soul is what really makes you beautiful. But in the subsequent years, I have understood that the belief was there when I looked better and I was confident about myself. Now, Everytime I go out or I am infront of a crowd, I am worried about my face. I am suspicious about the looks on their faces. The worst was when my 6yr old daughter (who is fairly a good painter), drew me in her drawing class and told her teacher that the dots and the circles on the face of her mother is pimples. So I guess it has now become my trade mark.

I do understand that people live with much bigger problems than pimples. And there are people who live with mutilated parts or distorted face in this world. I think of them..... I am not sure whether I should feel relieved that I have a much better face than them or feel guilty to be feeling better on their fate. It's too confusing .... just like my life...... my feelings. However it is... Deep inside I know ... I am more than a face. and one day I may have my opportunity in this world too. To prove myself........... to be MYSELF. And in my soul, I know that it's not a beautiful face that makes a life but it's the substance in you, it's the beauty inside you however imperfect you are...... that can lead you to happiness and others too. After all, it's the imperfections that keeps us alive in this conceptual world,,,,, helping us to move forward.... setting a goal in life.... keeping the spirit of life.

I LOVE YOU MY LIFE...... WITH ALL YOUR CONFUSIONS AND YOUR IMPERFECTIONS....... WITH ALL YOUR DEPRESSIONS AND YOUR FRUSTRATIONS...... WITH ALL YOUR FAILURES AND YOUR DREAMS........ WITH ALL YOU HAVE AND WITHOUT ALL THAT YOU HAD EVER WANTED.

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A NEVER DYING HOPE AND THIRST FOR LIFE,

BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU DON'T GET A LIFE EVERYDAY,

BECAUSE LIFE IS NOT THAT CHEAP.

Tags: life