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Posted on: May 19, '08

Pressing to impress- the Iron in my soul.

Pressing to impress- the Iron in my soul.

This post has been partly inspired by a line in one of PG Wodehouse’s Bertie Wooster novels. One of Bertie’s friends is wooing a woman, and Wodehouse says “it was difficult for him to iron his trousers even as he was pressing his suit.”

I like to wear my trousers (even denim jeans) neatly ironed. Neatly meaning, that there should be no wrinkles AND the crease should be sharp, forward looking and firm. And for perfection, there should be just one crease. Not even the hint of a second one. Prima facie this should not be a problem and in fact was NOT problem till a combination of 3 separate and important global events happened in the last few years. Just goes to show, in a manner of speaking, how a single sneeze in Bangalore’s Murugesh pallya can trigger global warming. Read on…

The first was the coming of the current fashion of “flat front” in pants. Now many men who dare to wear flat-fronts, have their own fronts about as flat as a well inflated football. Since I DO have a flat tummy (or no tummy) , the flat-fronts trend suits me to a T(rouser), and I am quite grateful to the blokes who brought in this trend. But this has not been an unmixed blessing. For some reason, known only to the same fashion designer blokes and trouser manufacturers, flat fronts are sold without a factory-ironed crease. Not only are they flat at the waist, they are flat (i e without an ironed crease) all the way down. This I don’t like, and so when I buy a new trouser I make sure I get a crease ironed in ASAP.

Had the matter ended there, life would have been happy and wrinkle-free. But no, it was not to be. I soon found that most flat-fronts cannot ever be properly ironed with a regular front crease. If you try to match the seams at the trouser cuff and put in a crease, there will be ugly wrinkles at the hip. If you make the hip wrinkle-less, the seams at the cuff will be poles apart and u get a crease that’s looking sideways as if in suspicion. While battling with this major problem of modern day living I was lucky enough to bump into someone from the garment industry. I asked him why it was so difficult to put in a proper crease in readymade flat fronts when in the olden ages of pleated pants and neighbourhood darzi’s it was all so simple. The neighborhood darzi’s trousers never once presented this problem to humanity. He looked furtively around and made sure no one could overhear what he was now going to tell me. Then in a whisper and a smile reserved only for fellow conspirators, he let the cat out of the bag. I quote him. One of the major challenges in garment manufacturing has always been to use a 2 dimensional material (fabric) and turn it into an article that will be used to cover a 3 dimensional object (people). In modern design, we work out this solution using computer aided engineering. The result is a flat front that fits perfectly when worn , but isn’t easy to iron. This also , in addition, optimizes fabric use. And then , with a wink , he added. This is also the reason why designers prefer female models who are nearly 2 dimensional. Its easier for the computer to find the solutions when the surfaces involved are flat !

Wellllll… I was speechless…..and of course crease-less as well.

And , now the third global event. Only in this case it is a person. Its Venky the laundry-wala . Like his many fellow tradesmen in Bangalore and other Indian large cities, he inhabits the basement / car park of the apartment block that I live in. He works hard all day and parties harder starting early evening. His wife in fact works harder and doesn’t party. (laundry-wala’s are always hard “pressed’” for time !! ) . Not for him the trivial problems of a crease in a flat front trouser. He picks up the thing with all the care of a blacksmith, lays it flat as fast as he can, and then with a resigned spiritual serenity slides his 10 kilo coal-burning iron over it . And if the seams don’t match at the cuff or the creases in the two legs look as if they have had a major disagreement , so be it. A single pass is all that your Gap or Colour Plus pants merit from Aruna, and no worry if the crease he has just made, has been newly created to keep company with the three already created previously by him. He could not have been less than an Arjun in a previous life. So I now have several flat front trousers that have multiple and squabbling creases. (The “iron” has entered my soul. I think I will strangle Venky this weekend).Or perhaps, 'press' his throat)

So that’s it. There is no punch line. But I am reminded of a line that my older brother used to say when I was in my teens. For heavy dates I used to carefully iron my own trousers. (Heavy date meant watching more than one girl from a distance of less than 50 feet. Please note the words in bold.) My brother would say “Press, press no impress !!” . Well , to give the devil his dude, he was always more successful than me. He got nearer than 25 feet several times. And once he ACTUALLY talked to 2 girls.

Please excuse me, now. I now have pressing matters at hand. Venky has just brought in a mangled flat front and I have no choice but to put in a new crease myself.

Tags: laundry, trousers, iron

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chithrajust said:
well---------the language trainer in me appreciates the language in use here! you take the cake ratty, for the most appropriate use of words! during training sessions, we give topics like, 'how to use a ---------------'; trainees usually struggle, grope and flounder for suitable words; they are usually so surprised that it's so difficult to describe such simple things as 'how to use a toothbrush'; you've fitted in words that need no 'pressing, ironing or creasing'!

interesting flow of thoughts too! very scientific in approach; well researched;

----------oh, and while you're at it, how about 'ironing out your differences' with the 'isthriwala' rather than go ballistic? good idea eh?

May 28, '08

manisha_bhattacharya said:
I really enjoyed this one. Almost as much as I enjoy a Wodehouse!

May 24, '08

King-Bulls-Ring said:
The best part I loved is..
(Heavy date meant watching more than one girl from a distance of less than 50 feet. Please note the words in bold.)...
practical, frank, down-to-earth opinion, mate!
Lovvvved it...

May 22, '08

impeccabledude said:
impressive post(lucky you!!! critic is smiling)
I had tough time with ironing and making creases. But as my love for Jeans is prominent and persistent, No ironing on trousers(thanks levis struass).

May 22, '08

rat_race said:
wits end...others.. to set the record impeccably straight, garnier's wrinkle-lift is inappropriate here. it REMOVES wrinkles ! the problem we have here is GETTING a proper crease. same for LIVON hair un-detangler.

May 22, '08

neha_sh2000 said:
Cool.....enjoyed your piece....and have you ever thought of wearing your jeans without aruna's creases...:)...saves a lot of creases ...

May 21, '08

Ledzep said:
cheers! creased jeans? seriously??? my mind boggles ...what if you were fastidious female with a compulsive need to wear creased conical bras?

wits-end, you REALLY thought you got away all this while because you suckered guys into believing you were evaluating presswallahs?! and THEIR line maaroing ability??!

May 21, '08

Nazlini said:
I love my jeans... no need to press to impress.
Proud to be a unkempt cowboys in jeans.
Thanks saz for sharing a great post.

May 21, '08

aks1958 said:
thats witty issue of a crease in the front for three dimensional folks for two dimensional cutes to take care an eye poner at that

May 20, '08

wits-end said:
golly, now everybody'll think me lecherous when they my eyes roving over their pants!
btw, have u considered garnier's wrinkle lifte cream? if it can defy nature, no reason why mere cotton wont conform to it.:-))
cheers on a wonderfully written post.

May 20, '08

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