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Posted on: Jun 09, '08


 The Zhai - episode 1

(Friends this is my first attempt to write a story for others to read. I'm not very confident about it. So please tell me if you don't like it, I'll stop posting more.)

(J        Jyotirmayi Prahlad
Yuvi     Yuveraj Kohli 
Arjun   Arjun Mehta 
Zakir   Zakir Rehman 
Munna  Mohammed Ishmael 
Arya   Aryavir Sharma)

Prelude
‘So you’ve come back Arjun’, said the woman. Everything was eerily silent. The light was greenish and he felt as if he was underwater. It sort of closed in on him that he couldn’t see anything beyond the green colour. He could hear the anklets of the lady. Probably she has started dancing. Would she destroy this place? 

#1
‘Are you really as stupid as you look?’ said J. She was angry that Yuvi had spoiled her beautiful Monday morning. Everything went on well, as planned and she believed in the proverb ‘All’s well that ends well’.

‘Look I’m not being superstitious or anything okay?’ Yuvi said. He was scared that what they did had come to haunt them.

He looked at the sky, at the scorching sun above and checked the time in his watch. It was quarter to eight, in the morning. He needed to convince J before he dropped her at her college fifteen minutes from now. He heaved a sigh.

‘Diya thinks that I stole the diamond and she says-‘

‘Cut it off, it’s natural for her to think so. I mean nothing happened all these days and you’re worried about last week’s incidents?

‘J please’, he pleaded. ‘Do you then think that Arjun’s accident was just an accident?’

‘It’s not about my thinking it’s the fact. It was his fault in the first place and don’t say it was because he touched that thing. Any sensible person’d’ve known that taking a call while at the wheel is risky, got it? And as you can see, Yuvi, nothing happened to any of us, especially me, considering that I was the one who came up with the plan and took you all there.’

There was a tense silence inside the car, the two people inside thinking about the same thing. They didn’t notice what everybody else, from the traffic constable and the security personnel at the USIS to the commuters of the city’s infamous MTC, were looking at.

Unusually the sun was happily melting the tar roads so early in the morning. The sudden heavy shower did nothing to decrease the heat. A few observant people noticed that there was not a single cloud on the sky.

Yuvi stopped his vehicle near Gangotri. J got down and looked at him.

‘I know you’re worried Yuvi. But please think. We went there, did what we planned to do, and came back unscathed. Its over, it’s a closed subject. And remember all’s well that ends well, okay?’

He watched her cross the road and walk into the college. Then he looked at the sky and heaved another sigh.

‘All’s not well J and definitely, this is not the end’.




Tags: fiction, zhai, mystery, emerald, adventure, myth, supernatural powers




Comments  [ 7 Comments ] [ Post your comment | Subscribe (?) ]


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mahanavinGEM said:
very nice !My best wishes to you.

June 13, '08


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SahithyaDreamspace said:
Thanks all.

and meawoo, thanks for the advice. I'd tell what everything is about when J and her friends meet that evening.

June 10, '08


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meawoo said:
i think u have skill. but u r not researching enough. include more facts(gk) to make it believable and to draw the reader to that place. its too short to b exact. u need to name cities, roads, the type of diamond etc....i think u got. and i think u will make it too. sorry that i had to be a little negative. but good critics makes good talent.

June 10, '08


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notjustart said:
First and foremost, please brush aside that thought out from your mind. That if readers don't like what you've written, you must stop writing altogether. It would be unfair not only to you but to other newcomers who wish to write. So there! Now about the story. I read it twice but could not fathom what's happening. The prelude is also a bit confusing, why was it there? I would suggest you first write down the incidences like a skeleton, then you write the dialogues. If you read a story written by me called WISH (My second attempt!) may be you will get a fair idea about short story writing. Read the complete version please.

June 10, '08


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jd132 said:
hey u really got a great writing skills go ahead buddy

really too good and waiting for the coming episodes




June 10, '08


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sweetfammy said:
good attempt

June 09, '08


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MrStoryTeller said:
Go ahead!

June 09, '08

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