Posted on: Jun 09, '08
Seriously funny!
Of all kinds of people, I love the witty kind the most. Their repartee is like jellyfish attack - poisonous, without any noise or 'show shining'. I do have some friends who are really very yo at smart quips, so much so that you may end up saying 'touche' all the time. Here are some that I still can't help smiling at when I remember them.
I know a girl, Arch, who has always been very complexed about her age, ever since she was 26 yrs old. So, once I had gone to Goa with her and two more friends, one of them being my friend Rupesh, who is about four years younger to her. And she kept calling him a baby, much to his annoyance. One evening we were getting ready to go to Tito's, when Arch asked, 'So, is the baby ready with his diaper on?' Rupesh realized that he had had enough, so he coolly says, 'Yes, if the grandma is ready with her dentures on.' I'm sure Arch's jaws still hurt, they dropped so hard! After that for the four days that we were together, no age-teasing happened.
My younger brother is the proud owner of real wicked sense of humour and presence of mind. We were in Delhi for a cousin's engagement, and there guys like my bro, sporting a 'mulla-like beard' (as my dad used to call it), with no moochh, long hair, wearing Metallica t shirts were few and far between about 5 yrs ago. My cousin took my bro to a chai ki tapri (don't think that's what it's called in Delhi) and the chaiwala looks at my brother and says, 'aapko pehle kabhi nahi dekha?' So my brother says, 'Kya baat kar rahe ho? Maine bhi aapko pehle kabhi nahin dekha'. The chaiwala burst out laughing. We went to a shop where my sister wanted to buy a shirt, but the shopkeeper over quoted. Finally after bargaining, he tells my sister, 'chalo aapke liye 50 kam kar deta hoon'. My bro says, 'acha, ab mere liye aur 50 kam kar do'. The shopkeeper didn't know what to reply to that, so he gave in!
I don't always sharpen my claws and floss my fangs before stepping out. I'm not very good at smart quips either. At least not nasty ones. But then, when it comes to some ticks (fleas of people that tick you off), I surprise myself. Think it's just a reflex action. Once I was with a group of friends, working on some cause for slum kids and one of the guys, Meet (quite a creep he is), says, "I have done so much work for kids that I think I'm ready to be a father," then he looks at my two female friends and me and says, "So which one of you girls is ready?" We all got crept out... Then I don't know from where I heard a voice, "Sorry, Meet, we are too old to be your daughters," and the voice belonged to me. That shut Meet up but I won another creepy admirer who SMSed me later about how witty I am and if I'd like to meet him. My friends told me he had tried his luck with every girl in the group.
I was dating a guy about a year and a half ago. But, guess he had had enough of me in 8 months, so he did the Houdini act. No keeping in touch, no taking calls, no replies to SMSes. Then a few months later when I was almost over him (meaning I finally gave up thoughts of getting a voodoo doll of him from Baba Raza Ustad Bangali and piercing pins and leaving it in a room with Himesh Reshammiya playing on full blast), I catch him online and he asks me to meet him. I get damn furious and say, 'you can't just disappear, resurface and ask me to meet you out of the blue'. So he gives a very lame, 'I'm asking you to meet me out of the red.'
One lesson, guys, never crack a PJ to a woman scorned, especially the kind that nurtures feelings of breaking noses the first opportunity she gets. Fortunately for him, we met online... so I replied, "Sorry, I'm colour blind." There was no reply from his side after that. Khee khee khee.
When we were in school, we had petted a stray dog. There was this very snooty auntie in our building who used to complain even if the dog so much as whimpered. So once she asked my sister rather reproachfully, 'Why does your dog bark so much?' for the millionth time. My sis threw politeness out of the window and replied, 'Because he can't talk'. That auntie never asked that question ever again!
Tags: comedy, humour, fun
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