Posted on: Aug 03, '08
WHEN I MET MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND.....
I had been kinda lazy to write blogs these days...The energies were more directed towards retreating into a snail shell, quietly receding into the spiral of life and allow myself to be swept into changes without thinking too much about it...
Instead of reflecting on the happenings, I was getting ready to just sink deeper into the silence as I simply flow through the business of living in this human dimension...
Already too much of pondering and lack of savouring…. still thoughts were there, but just I could feel their gentle and healing presence popping up once in a while whenever I just wished to turn to them for reassurance…..may be mind was ridden of an obvious fear of becoming inoperative that too when it had been in the mode of abundance of awareness mode.
Since there was nothing more to think, and I am a sort of competitive person and do mind losing, so I took to dreams…..not the porcelain ones as I don’t trust them I prefer dreams made of steel which could be rattled around with.
The macho clanging of those dreams was sure to improve the eerie silence slowly descending in. I started thinking of certain presences which do happen and bring great and beautiful experiences along and make life bearable.
I was in mood to see how far I can go with dreams, this thought of course lent an improbable prophecy as I was trying to snatch my mind from a much eloquent world, a heart which brightens beneath thousand tongues of flames.
So the only way to survive this was to strike an out of body experience where my mind wanders in a dream world of my own, where it’s all different. I am no more in mood to slay any dragons or save any poor damsel in distress. I wanted all the people around me to start looking like spirits and I too wanted to feel like ghost among them.
Well, recently my most productive dreaming was when I was sitting in my cubicle that day. I was going through some written pages of codes which made no sense to me. Those codes matched well with the drabness of my uninteresting cubicle with blue and grey floor. And I was really wondering where all those techni-colours have gone I have seen in movies and dreamt of.
The world looked so dry around me, so colourless, devoid of all the grandeur, too much austere in nature like reflection of my own realities these days.
An alarm goes off every few minutes and then a machine would rise…Pantry, Washroom, training room, Cab, Home, Refrigerator, Bed, laptop and after that with the TV on at the background online with friends, complaining & comparisons on fropper and day has gone by.
All these thoughts came to a sudden halt when I saw someone sitting there on chair in front of me. I have never indulged in any drugs of any kind with an exception of caffeine which comes in a tasty brown beverage. Coffee sharpens the mind temporarily but eventually tires the body. Moreover I never saw anyone entering my cubicle too.
She looked so shyly at me and touched me so slightly, so impossibly that I could never know what she is and will be. All I could see were her almond eyes, deep brown, liquid, and radiant. And there was a flash of untamed fear as if it would wake me up of this dream. Am I dreaming???
She had dimples kind of those which are permanent on the cheeks and just turn more prominent when such people laugh. Dimples I always dreamt of, I always had a fall for that cleft in the muscles. I could see my finger moving to smudge the graphite of my face to create that dimple on my cheek.
I asked her who she is, so quietly as if I was scared of being woken by own voice. She extended her arm and I shook it hesitatingly.
“I am your friend, that imaginary friend you had as a child”, she said.
These days it is no more fashionable to have imaginary friends but I remember I used to have an imaginary girl friend, till I attained that level of fertile imagination to question do they really exist and eventually they stopped carrying meaning for me anymore.
She looked so uncomplicated and calm, so serene and safe. And she was right in front of me. This is perfect. But how all would become unbearable the moment I wake up.
“You remember we had no ambitions during those days, all we used to do is to dream and talk incessantly about them. We were too lazy to take any action and were scared of hard work.”
I suddenly remembered it was an age when everything seemed to be in state of calm. The lives of people in my world were fully sorted out and there were no dichotomies.
We painted on any wall where we liked to. We used to sing, dance, write codes never to be deciphered, even cook, stitch, swim… all because we liked to.
No competition of any kind, nobody trying to prove anything, no punishments so, no rewards.
Everyone in some magical way was blanched off their base nature and was just gentle, polite, courteous and considerate. There was no fear of any kind.
And now we are like piece of meat that hangs in the butcher’s shop. All we do is to do nothing about our own life and sit here judging others life and their work.
I was suddenly full of anguish at this sudden realization.
I felt I was more happy in my realities, the realities which never surprised me till I haven’t looked in to see what’s going in the places.
Her words seemed to tear me apart. It was a moment when my heart simply refused to beat, when all the blood seemed to have rushed to my head and stayed there, the whole world spinning down on its axis and time stopped and all there was in the world was her.
I questioned my actions and felt the absence of that long discarded behaviour when I had no desire to be a hero, I bore no pirate nature to be extravagant, jubilant and victorious.
I felt the guilty rush and experienced a meltdown which was sure to make me regret later when I wake up of this dream and found my imaginary friend gone for ever.
I told her I would love to remain in the state of eternal dream as everything seems to be so nice like a commune with no extraneous elements and no confrontations.
She laughed, “ Most of the people who experience similar thoughts and out of this suddenly found lost enthusiasm get up and join communes. It is no different from the real world they are trying to get away from”.
The idea is to stay in the real world and be a part of it yet have the ability to have a different set of realities.
In this peculiar upside-down logic of real life, still believe in imaginations and dreams.
Deep in the ashes of reality, a dream to find that imaginary friend who is there to make you realise that in spite of all the losses and defeats it is not everything that is lost.
A smile cracked on my face and I gathered her in my arms, suddenly found myself immersed in bliss and wished never to get up ever again.
It was as if I have emerged from an ocean and can see what she wanted me to.
She would always be there for me, even when she is not there. One day, she would again hold my hand as she did today. 
ON THIS FRIENDSHIP DAY, I WISH YOU ALL REMEMBER THAT IMAGINARY FRIEND OF YOURS. WHO WAS A PART OF THOSE NAIVE DREAMS YOU BOTH TOOK TOGETHER. 
Tags: reality, chid, imaginary, life, love, dream, friend, friendship day
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