On ‘lone’ and ‘lonely’!!!




----------For oft when on my couch I lie,
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye,
Which is the bliss of solitude!

Wordsworth had a penchant, not just for the term solitude, but the state of solitude too.

---------------Behold yon, solitary highland lass,
Reaping and singing by herself---------

‘Solitary’ too was a word which was an integral part of his repertoire.

But neither of the terms has a negative connotation. Wordsworth’s poetry always said, ‘the bliss of solitude’.

We often find ourselves mixed up with the terms, ‘being alone’ and ‘feeling lonely’. Oxford defines solitude as, ‘the state of being alone, especially if one likes the state’!!!

Being alone, per se, just means a physical state of solitariness. At times, it just happens; at times, we like it; at times we look forward to it. It is the independent adults in us, not just wishing to be granted that much needed ‘time and space’, but deserve to be left alone. Everyone needs to live a little for oneself.

But ‘loneliness’ is something else; while ‘being alone’ is more a physical state, ‘feeling lonely’ is an emotional state. One could feel lonely in the midst of a crowd!!!

Children are more perceptive and intuitive than adults. I remember a write up I once read on ‘loneliness’. A child when asked, what is the difference between ‘being alone’ and ‘being lonely’, had answered, ‘when I don’t have any brothers or sisters, that’s being alone; but if I have them and they don’t play with me, that’s loneliness’! BINGO!!! BANG!!! Could there have been a better explanation?




The human race of course, is known for its paradoxes, isn’t it? So we end up ‘refusing’ the time and space to individuals to ‘be alone’; and we remain incapable of offering companionship to beat loneliness!

The executive dying for the state of solitude in his den, with nothing more than a glass of beer, a housewife yearning to be left alone to put her feet up with a cup of tea, a student wishing to take a solitary ride on his bike, a lover longing to be alone with her ‘thoughts’--------------are all normal and natural desires.

Whether the emotion is genuine or imagined depends on individuals and the level of maturity one has attained. For some it is psychosomatic, for some it is a fanciful feeling, it is but a passing phase; nothing more than a figment of overworking imagination. For some teenagers it is a ‘luxury’; a ‘must have’ feeling that goes hand in hand with ‘love’; a transitory phase in the process of ‘growing up’.

The real feeling however, when it comes to stay, is a heart rending, heart wrenching, soulful experience; it’s about experiencing a void, a hollow, an emptiness, deep down, in the fathomless abyss of the soul, the self! It is a dangerous state to be in; detrimental to health and happiness.


But the therapy lies within oneself; not elsewhere! Many a spiritual writer has been talking of the journey towards the inner being; of finding peace within; of the insight into self. We need to become comfortable with self; be happy and contented to be on our own; be less afraid of the state of ‘being alone’ and more aware of the spiritual self; focus on ‘giving’ than on ‘receiving’; understand before being understood; fulfill rather than expect.

And then it’s not ‘loneliness’ anymore; it’s just ‘solitude’; and solitude, as Wordsworth, said, is sheer BLISS!!! 






 

 

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