A Crunch Situation!


The Oxford/Cambridge and most other dictionaries run to almost 2000 pages. What a humongous task!!! What an effort from the lexicologists!!! Imagine the workload that must have gone into the compilation, printing, proofreading, editing and publishing!!! For whose benefit? For what joy? Why do we ever need a dictionary these days, when the entire English language has been crunched into just three words; when there is hardly any reading done; when hardly anyone ever goes to the trouble of looking up the dictionary?

In Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, when the conspirators come to meet Brutus in the dead of the night, he asks them, ‘What watchful cares do interpose themselves betwixt your eyes and night’? True we don’t need such complicated sentence structures to communicate; especially when the world is on a ‘fast track’ mode!

A GRE student’s sentence: ‘All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not always auriferous’! It merely translates into, ‘All that glitters is not gold’! True we don’t need the hi-funda vocabulary, unless we take a GRE or TOEFL paper.

Well, language evolves; language must evolve; it is a far cry from what it was in the Victorian England or the Post Independent India. Fair Enough. However, the indifferent nonchalance with which it is treated these days is truly painful to hardcore ‘anglophiles’; to the likes of me!!!

Isn’t there beauty in expression; a poignancy that strikes a chord deep down inside; an aesthetic tingle that runs down the spine; an emotional fulfillment? Well, maybe only to those of us who still believe in such expressions!

Today, it’s considered cumbersome to use more than one word at a time! Phrases? Oh my! What a colossal waste of time! Sentence! Excuse me! What’s that again? Whoever said learning the language is a process? Not anymore buddies! All you need are three words and your vocabulary is as rich as the Swiss Bank! And you just need to master the art of using them appropriately! Functional language!!! Ha haaaaaaaaaa

Word 1: Cool:

Originally an adjective, but now used according to the convenience of the speaker; generally as an answer for any question that begins with ‘how is/are’? It has replaced words like, wonderful, fine, great, fantastic, superb, marvelous etc.

Eg: The dress is cool; the chick/dude is cool; how was the movie? Cool; I’ll be there at ten. Cool;

b; synonym – rocking; used however as a much higher level of vocabulary;

Eg; How’z life? Rocking!

Word 2: Shit:

a. Originally a noun, a swear word that many people used to find offensive; now used as exclamation (euphemism for expletive!) usually used with the prefix Oh; the use of this word earns the user the title ‘cool’!
Eg; Shit, I’ve forgotten my wallet; Why are you late? Shit! The bus was late! Oh shit, the tickets have sold out!

b. When a crow shits on one’s head: Oh Shit! (note: this does not refer to the crow shit on the head!)

c. It’s also used with the  adjective 'holy'  when expressing surprise or shock:

Eg; Holy Shit! She’s cool man!
Holy Shit! I’ve lost my mobile!

Word 3: Fuck: originally a swear word that many people used to find offensive; now the most commonly used word in the English language, to express anger, frustration, surprise, ignorance, impatience ---------and a whole lot of other emotions!!! The use of this word too earns the user the title ‘a cool dude/chick’.

Eg; Where the fuck have you been?
What the fuck is it?
The song is fucking good!!!

(For more details on this word, please tune into Youtube; go to videos; type Osho; and search for ‘fuck’; don’t miss; it’s interesting!)

In an old American movie, Mary Poppins, when asked how she feels, Mary replies, ‘just supercalafagilisticespialadocian’! ( well, spell check doesn't list  this word!) . Today’s Mary would have just said, in simple and easy terms, ‘fucking cool’!!! So who wants a hundred words in place of one or two?

Oh well, sigggggghhhhhhhh--------- I do! I still do! And that’s probably why at the young and tender age of forty plus, I feel as if I’m an artifact in the museum of antiques; as outdated as the dictionaries and the words in them!!! Any kindred souls out there? I could do with some company!!! 
















 
 

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