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Gandhism:

You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

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Indiraism:

You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

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Lalooism:

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

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Rajnikantism:

You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

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Rajivism:

You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

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Softwarism:(Ultimate....):

Client has 2 cows and you need to milk them.

Here's the Algorithm:

1 . First prepare a document when to milk them. (Project kick off)

2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them. (Project plan)

3 . Then prepare how to milk them. (Design)

4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them. (Framework)

5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them. (UI Mockups & POC)

6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2.

7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8 . Redo step 4.

9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly. ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls.

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client. (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk.

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate. (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and can't milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

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Corollary: (No offense intended to anybody, its just a satire for fun)

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INFOSYSism:

You have 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, and send them one at a time to the US for milking.

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PATNIism:

You have 10 cows.  You make them work so hard that they give milk of 100 cows.

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WIPROism:

GE has a cow.  You take 49% of the milk.

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DELLism:

Intel has a Goat.  Samsung has a Camel.  Buy milk from both and sell it as Cow's milk.

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IBMism:

You have old stubborn cows.  You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

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MICROSOFTism:

You have a cow.  You force the world to buy milk from you.  You spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

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SUNism:

You have a bull, It doesn't give milk.  You hate Microsoft.

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ORACLEism:

You have a cow.  You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.

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SAPism:

You don't have a cow.  You sell milking solutions for cows- implemented by -milking consultants.

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APPLEism:

You have a cow.  Your milk brand is iMilk.

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SONYism:

You have a cow.  You spend $50 million to develop the world's thinnest milk.

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CITIBANKism:

Hi, Welcome to Citibank.  If you have a cow, press 1.  If you have a bull, press 2.....stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you.

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HPism:

You don't know if what you have is a cow.  You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.

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GEism:

You have a donkey.  People think you have a 100-year old cow.  If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work.

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RELIANCEism:

You don't yet have a cow.  You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

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TATAism:

You have a very old cow.  You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.

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Tags: software, it, -isms, humour, business, entertainment, joke, fun