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Posted on: Oct 07, '08

Your Opinion Please!...1

Hi friends,

I am here to share my personal experience with you all.
Wish to learn what society thinks of my decision.
Some times I am entering into confused state.
Even though my heart and mind are saying I am correct, surrounding people are not accepting.
Treating me as if I did a crime and unworthy of living in this society.
They are saying if I live in the society, I may spoil some other women.
I am not a bad woman, came from very traditional family.
Surrounding people’s comments are cutting my sensitive heart into pieces.
Leave far away people, my blood relations also blaming me and hurting me very severely.
Some times I feel of attempting suicide.
But wisdom in me asks me a good reason for this suicide attempt.
Then I realize nothing wrong from my side, so why should I end my life.
I know you are raising your eye brows over my prolonged words.
So let me quickly tell you what happened in my life.

My original name is Rachakonda Sita Maha Lakshmi. People call me Sita. At present 55 year old, pure Brahmin. Never woke up after 4 AM. Without head bath and prayers, I never start every day activities. In prayers I recite all sthothras of Gods, do meditation…it takes almost one and half hours. As a daughter of Pandit Ramanachari, I read many Sanskrit books. I can recite all slokas given in Bhagavathgita, without looking into it. Got married to MMVS Rama Chandra Murthy at the age of 17 years. At that time he was 23 years old, working as scientist in Defence Labs. He was God to me. Treated me very affectionately, never disappointed me at any point in my life. With his encouragement only I applied for distance education and slowly acquired M. Com and with my husband’s recommendation joined as a clerk in the same defence labs. By the time of joining in job I became mother of three children (two boys and one girl). I never said NO to either in-laws words or husband’s words, in-laws used to show me to other younger girls and teach them how a daughter-in-law should behave. I never had any other thoughts other than my family…I mean my husband, my children and their well being…that’s all. Slowly children grew up, both sons became engineers and daughter got M. Phil in English literature. Marriages of all of them were over. One boy entered as engineer in Civil Supplies department located in Vijayawada and another boy joined as engineer in R&B department located in Kakinada of our state. We couple felt blessed as both sons settled in the same state. After marriage daughter settled in Mumbai, there joined as Lecturer in near by college. No point of unhappiness anywhere, people used to say care of address of Happiness is Murthy’s Residence.

I know you are feeling bored of my story and looking at me with question mark face “Every thing is fine, then, what is the problem with you?”

I am coming to the actual point what I wanted to convey to you.
Every thing was fine at home, we were happy couple with beloved children all settled in their lives. But there problem started. God might have thought too much of happiness is unhealthy, so decided to disturb it. While coming from office, my husband met with an accident, severely injured and got admitted to Hospital. When I heard that news I felt as if I was thrown into a deep well and fainted to floor. Neighbors helped me recover from the shock and took me to the hospital. I could not do anything other than crying. There VVSN Sastry took control of the situation. Talked to doctors, paid the bills. Made phone calls to our children and elders. Every minute at the side of bed of my husband, took care of him even after my children and others arrived.

Here I have to say few words about VVSN Sastry. He was best friend to my husband, both studied in the same college and luckily got jobs in the same section of Defence Labs. After one year of our marriage, Sastry too got married and our families became close. His wife Revathi became my close friend. They got two boys. Revathi died at the time of delivery of second child. Even though parents and relatives forced he didn’t opt second marriage and brought up both children by playing both roles of mother and father. In every occasion and in handling every situation, my husband and Sastry used to discuss with each other and take the decisions. Now Sastry’s children are in US as software professionals.

After 15 days treatment, my husband left me and this world permanently. By that time he was only 53 years old. As usual, whenever I need any advice I used to ask Sastry. After one year trials, my first son got transfer to Hyderabad. I felt very happy over my son’s intention to take care of me. My daughter-in-law also works in another government department. Initially I showed much interest in cooking different dishes which my son likes. Every day all of them used to praise me at the time of eating those dishes. Slowly I became permanent cook. But I never felt it bad. I love my grand children very much. Meanwhile another son also got transfer to Hyderabad. Used to visit our home every weekend. Once my grand child fell down from terrace, got leg injury and was underwent treatment for almost one month staying in the hospital. Later also he needed one person to look after for nearly 6 months. As both daughter-in-laws were working and in good positions, my sons told me to leave the job to take care of that child. In that way I took voluntary retirement.

One thing I felt bad. My sons and daughters-in-Law never considered me in sharing their happiness. They praised me for my culinary skills. That’s all. Every week they used to go for any picnic spot or get together lunch with any friend or colleague. But they never invited me to any function or picnic. In initial days my grand children used to call me to join them whenever they go out but their parents told them “She is old, can’t bear the strain in moving in all places. Let her take rest at home.” By saying that they used to tell me to take care of home and prepare food for their dinner. I was 52 year old. Was that old age to leave attending all happy incidents? Why these people abandoning me from all simple pleasures of life? I can’t say how many times I burst into tears after my children left for parties.

I used to go for morning walk every day. This became a habit after marriage. After marriage me and my husband used to go for walk to near by public gardens. There spending some time chit chatting with Sastry who also comes for walk. After death of my husband I never left going for walk and talking to Sastry. Sastry was the only person whom I know as a family friend. He used to enquire about my heath and other details. Several times I shared laughs with him by saying funny incidents with my grand children.
I saw several times pain in his eyes. His both sons settled in US. They visit India once in a year. In that period also they come with busy schedule. They time stay with him was the only happy time for him. He lives alone in his bungalow. Servants were there but no near or dear one to take care of that 63 year old man.

One day I got phone call from Sastry’s servant that he was admitted to hospital due to heart attack. Immediately I reached hospital. For his children in US, it took one week to reach their father in the hospital. In that period I stayed in hospital and took care of him. I never forget how he helped us when my husband was in hospital. But my children made it a big issue. In their opinion woman should not stay with man even in hospital because society may get wrong opinion. I felt very upset over their judgment. Sastry’s children left for US after bringing him to home. While returning they asked him to join them to US but he refused and stayed back. He wants to spend last period of his life in his own country.

After several months, we, two disturbed lonely souls, decided to live together. We realized that we need each other’s assistance in this last phase of life. Before announcing my opinion of marrying Sastry to my children I thought in all angles, I didn’t get any trace of wrong thing in my decision. One fine day when both sons and daughters-in-law are together, I announced my decision. They opened their mouths. Their immediate reaction “Marriage?...at this age???” I didn’t utter any word. Later they started saying so many things while suppressing their hatred towards my second marriage. I maintained silence. I never thought my children can say such hurting words. In the night when I was going towards kitchen, heard laughs of my daughters-in-law from a room. Their bigger voices made their words reaching my ears. My elder daughter-in-law’s voice “U know…I know this for long time. Escaping our eyes, she roamed with him. That’s the main reason she served him as his wife when he was in hospital. At that time itself I realized their illegal contact.” My younger daughter-in-law’s response “ha ha ha ha …what a romance!” First one continued "chi...chi, this old woman runs for sex at this old age." I ran to my room and fell on to bed. But I didn’t get tears because pain dominated every thing. My sons and daughters-in-law made phone calls to all relatives. After receiving phone calls several relatives called me up over phone and started advising me. My in-laws and parents shouted at me and cursed me.

After receiving phone call from my elder son, my daughter came to Hyderabad by the immediate flight. When she reached home, I was inside the bed room, I heard my daughter-in-law saying several things to her. I heard her voice “where is mom?” Then she came to my room and called me up “mom”. I turned to her side (I was very much afraid of what sort of hurting words I had to listen from daughter). She hugged me tightly and cried aloud. That made me burst into tears. She didn’t ask me any thing and I didn’t try to say any thing. I just cried. She held me until I became calm. Then made phone call to Sastry “Dad…when are you going to take my mother from this prison?”

Now you people tell me…no pretensions please! I wish to here your real opinions. Sneha told me that Fropper is covered with many psychologists. Please tell me your opinion on my decision.

regards
Sita

Tags: love; life; sneha

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kabir_1962 said:
Kabhi kissi ko mukammal jahan nahin milta,
Kabhi zameen to kabhi aasmaan nahin milta.
your imaginations and stories are remarkable.

October 19, '08

Famous2002 said:
hey correct wat u hv written abt routine activities of sita..i.e.,never wokeup after 4am.. instead write as "get up frm sleep by four in the morning.. "
in old age i guess the real need of spouse arises..
da way ur sons,daughterinlaws reacted is also right..
well ur decision is right & most wat i liked is ur daughters reaction...
sita at this age i think u can live for uself as u wish..

October 18, '08

Abhi1963CAP said:
Actually, we, men, could not try to understand women sarrounding us or our locality. Only we are seeing the outer side of the women. Only a woman can understand the pain of a woman. In our society, we always blame a woman for every fault.

October 15, '08

LovelyStars said:
Thank you friends for your valuable messages to Sita.

Actually Sita is a fictitious character created by me. I wrote this article to know the pulse of present society over this sensitive social issue.

I am very happy over this overwhelming response.

Many Sitas in the society are becoming lifeless dolls in Sons' kitchens even though they are getting opportunities for better lives because they are very much afraid of society.

Now I am confident that Sitas in society r not neglected, at least some people are there to come forward to support decisions of Sitas.

Thank you all once again.
Sneha

October 12, '08

uma1987can said:
simply do,what makes u happy

October 12, '08

unflappable said:
companionship -is what is required and children distance themselves when they are needed the most.Heart says its OK but had i been the son i would be pained-for my mother to marry the other man.thats it

October 10, '08

astrologychat said:

While the Govt of india at the instance of maharshtrian Govt is approviing the bill on Live In relationship,its so hard to beleive that sons and daughters have a cheek to raise their eyebrows if their mother,who has littrally sacrificed her life for the family's upbringing and wellbeing,is looked at with such stupid notes.'
Well,I donot see anything peculiar in this new arrangement of LIFE.Without considering the funny and orthodox reactions of sons and party I shall give ten Kudos.
Without getting vexed into any further emotional turmoil,,Just Get married to Your new Found relationship.
My Blessings all the Way.

October 10, '08

mikunal said:
great work !!
Sita is SNNEHA'S
fiction character again..
what ever u soul advice just do it.....
.....with out any regrets.
I will be MR&MRS SHASHRTI'S
child if at all they feel to have one.

October 09, '08

CancerSA said:
This reminds of the Bollywood movie, Bhagbhan, the story narrated here is very similar! I have noticed when kids grow up they think they are the parents and the parent becomes the child! Children can be so selfish and need to realise that parents have feelings and are human beings not part of the furniture! Then again you get the few that would move heaven and earth like the daughter in this story who understands and identifies with her mother! Like the message in Bhagbhan...Your son is only your son till the day he marries but a daughter will always be a daughter! (No offense intended hahaha) My advice is forget the past, let bygones be bygones, what has happened cannot be changed, look forward to the rest of your life with a wonderful caring man who will give you the respect and love you deserve!

October 09, '08

Gary_2XX said:
Hey Sita ! Everything that you did is right. Dont give up on anything - its time to stand upto youself and face the world with dignity and pride. Those that oppose you do it for selfish reasons. Your daughter in laws lost a maid servant. Your sons have lost a mother. But what you have gained is "life" and a beautiful daughter and a loving soul mate. And we all are here to support your cause. Go on live your life dont look back.

October 09, '08

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