stockings down!

OK lets get some information about the latest crisis in the financial markets.If you know nothing at all about it start with a few definitions and get your fundas clear...

STOCK: 
A magical piece of paper that is worth 43.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth 6.50. 

BOND:
What you had with your spouse until you pawned it to invest in Money.com.

BROKER:
The person you trusted to help you make major financial decisions. 
(Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.)

BEAR: 
What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: 
What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: 
Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: 
A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in 
(i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: 
The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: 
What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call. 

Having Fun? lets continue about markets then :

Bull Market:
Is a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market:
Is a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex. 

So you want to know how to make good investment? OK:
12 months ago if you had bought 1,000 worth of ABC stock you would now have 35.
If you had bought 1,000 worth of beer you would now have 41 worth of empty beer cans.
Therefore ... Invest in beer! 

Stockbroker: 
( someone who invests your money till it's all gone! )

Stock analyst!
Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

(I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be." )
(A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today! )

after you do all your homework and invest your lifes savings, you go crazy.
(The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night.)
Woke up every hour and cried like one 
ha ha ha

What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? 
In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. 
In the second case, you help finance the  promoters home pool.

My broker and I are working on a retirement plan.  it's his!

A long term investment is a short term investment that failed. 

Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
 
Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower

(It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets. )

"I hear that you drop some money in 
Wall Street. Were you a bull or a bear?"
"Neither, just a plain simple ass." 

October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.
Mark Twain

happy investing dudes! stocks have hit rock bottom best time to buy.or sit and cry! 
(Any information above is to be taken with a pinch of stock and sonimagic!)
none of the above is original BS. ha ha . hit me baby one more time!

Tags: financial crisis, stock market, economic troubles, housing bubbles

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