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Posted on: Oct 23, '08

Dark Dawn

Dark Dawn

She looked at the blood flowing from her finger, bemused. She hadn't meant to cut herself, it was just an accident. She had been feeling restless and come to the kitchen to make some coffee. While rinsing the cup it slipped and broke in the sink. When she started picking up the pieces, one cut her finger and blood started flowing non-stop. The clock on the wall said it was 06:20 a.m. She had no idea what date it was.
She kept watching the blood, unable to move, to do anything to staunch the flow.

The kitchen was lit by a dingy little bulb that cast miserly illumination, leaving the corners dark.

The world outside the big wide window over the kitchen counter reflected her world inside... dark sky, lashing rain, brilliant flashes of lightning.

It had been like this for so long...she had lost track of how long.

Suddenly, the emotions welled up inside, overflowing in the tears that rolled down her haggard face. The fear, shock, anxiety, horror, sorrow of the past all jostled for center stage, creating a turmoil that made her heart feel like it would explode in her chest any moment. Helpless, she sat down on the floor and wailed. Cried as if trying to throw up all the emotions and turmoil within her. But her heart -- oh that treacherous heart!-- refused to let go of its burden. And so much of burden it had! Losing her life had been very heavy. Not the physical life that involves breathing, eating, sleeping. The life that she had built her identity on, the one that her sense of self depended on. Relationships. Being someone to another person.
She should have been able to gather the shattered parts of herself to mould into a new person, but she could not. Of all that she had lost, the loss of child was what had broken her completely. To know that she would never look upon the child ever again, never hold the child in her lap ever again, never hug the child to her ever again, never sing a lullaby to the child ever again, never feel the child's leg on her in her sleep ever again, never see the shining eagerness in the child's eyes ever again... there seemed to be no way to come to terms with this loss.

For so long now she seemed to be living an underwater sort of existence... perceptions dulled just that little bit, sight blurred just that little bit, movements slowed...just that little bit. To the rest of the inhabitants of the world she probably seemed ok, maybe a little dull, but ok. But to her the rest of the world had stopped making sense. So what sense did it make to continue with this physical life anymore? Why struggle to breathe, when every breath had to make a tortured path past her choked throat? Why should her heart continue to beat, when every beat only succeeded in hammering home her loss; when her heart felt about to burst into little smithereens within her, but at the same time felt as if made of lead, heavy, sinking, dragging her down to drown in the misery of her memories?

Outside, thunder rolled loudly, lighting struck somewhere nearby. The window rattled with the force of the strike, illuminating the kitchen for an instant in harsh white light.

Her tears has subsided and she stood up. Looked that the cut on her finger again. It had stopped bleeding now. Just a blot of dark red where the blood was clotting over the cut. She looked at the broken pieces of porcelain in the sink. If they could cut her finger, could they not serve a better purpose? She was so weary of carrying the burden of grief. She decided that she did not have the strength to go on. Yes, she was finally taking a decision, instead of just being a piece of wood being tossed around in the storm that her life had become. She was choosing to free herself from this unending agony. Even the thought of making a decision gave new life to her limbs. Resolute, she picked up a broken piece of the mug from the sink...

Tags: sorrow

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decentperson2003 said:
Hi,

Hoooooooooooo, you are a writer in making. Keep it up. We are there to read you.

Take care

December 30, '08

dagnysharma said:
OMG Manisha...!

This is amazing. I hate myself for not reading this sooner.

The things which make life LIFE... when those things are no longer there... what could be the purpose of extending such a life. I remember a close friend told me once (yes he was in deep depression- and I regret to say I could do nothing to help him- for he refused to talk to me) that there are many ways one can die.

A physical death is upsetting to most people. It hurts innocent people around you. But a mental death... a complete withdrawl from the world around you... while physically living... is still a death... though a living death.

Sorry for that morose comment. Somehow I fell compelled to say this.

Love ya babe...

Dagny

December 22, '08

cre8ive27 said:
that was so touching!!!was'nt there anyone to share her grief??????

December 14, '08

Chiktu said:
Story implies tragedy.I know wemen love tragedy.It stimulates their favorite pass time CRYING.Actually its blessing in disguise, it lets them drain th grief nd rejuvenates their feelings with new hope.Men r denied this blessings, tho some times I hv seen men cry.

The story ending is not hopeful.It cud hv ended with hope for a new life.Especially after crying. Women r th survivors of nature.They adjust quickly 2 new surroundings.They get quickly into th act.Hope? thats their great previlege. then why she took th decision of suicide.

I suggest, the writer to consider changing th end with hope for new life,determination for change,determination with hope.

The title Dark Dawn is appropriate for such tragedy fills the mind with sorrow nd grief hence successful but doesn't give any hope and can not serve as guide hence unsucessful. Can b rated 4 stars.

December 02, '08

khushidey said:
aaaaaaaawesome!!!

November 26, '08

RainwaterCAP said:

YOU CAN SCORE FOR A BOOKER, CARRY ON WITH SOMETHING SERIOUS AND WRITE IT WE ALL SHALL BE THERE TO HAIL YOU AND YOUR CLAIM TO FAME (UNDER WHICH GLORY WE YOUR FRIENDS WILL ALSO BASK )

November 14, '08

SunilTGR said:
simply brilliant!! am so pleased i read this...well written and tremendous emotions...i loved the end...moving on is so important...cheers!!

November 11, '08

tenjade_destiny said:
nice story and intersting narration, actually lessens the suffocating discomfort and subsequent boredom of the reading experience, these days....kudos to u manisha for writing so wonderfully

November 09, '08

Bals5870 said:
Realy nice one Mani.

November 07, '08

painterofbeauty said:
Hey very well written...but i wld have prefered her to call for help...and create a new world...I am impressed

November 01, '08

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