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Posted on: Nov 08, '08

How Can I Believe Other Men? (Romancing with Nature-4)

Those two old women were left back in the Ashram. Eight Sishyas occupied a mini van. Sri Ravi Shankar ji sat in the back seat of the car. One sishya became driver and another one sat beside him in the front seat. I was asked to sit beside Sri Ravi Sankar ji. Our journey started at 8 AM. Nobody showed interest towards breakfast. After Morning Prayer, we didn’t even take a spoonful of coconut water.

I was in hesitation to move with them. But my anger on my husband, who spares most of his time to Profession and never finds time to sit and talk to his wife, threw me to dare moving with them. Our journey started.

In that silent journey, my mind started doubting the presence of a male beside me. I closed my eyes and entered into introspection. Several incidents which made me suspect every male came running scene by scene.

I joined there in 6th standard in a High school near by my home. Sairabanu was my friend. I used to go to her home for combined studies. The owner of that house was a very old man with wrinkled body and full grey hair. He used to take us on to his lap and kiss. I respected him and saw only affection in his deeds. After a year that when I was in the 7th standard (13 years in age), he took me close. That time, even though I was child, I felt some thing odd. He started pressing my breasts which were in the initial stage of formation. I struggled to come out of his hands and ran to home. I can’t tell my feelings. I wished to kill him. From that day onwards I never visited Sairabhanu’s home. I didn’t tell anything to any one. But whenever I walked in that street, I wished to kill him. Actually in my thoughts several times I made him into pieces.

That flash of incident in the memory lane made me shudder. That incident made me stand at a distance even from my grand father. What happened to my friend Sumati’s daughter Ramya? Sumati cried and shared that incident. Her daughter Ramya was a very bright student. She used to go to her maths teacher if she gets any doubts in the subject. At that time she was in 9th standard. One day when no body was in the staff room, that teacher…that rascal misbehaved with her. She was frightened by the behavior and some how escaped from his hands and ran to home. She got fever and started saying she is not interested to go to school. When Sumathi realized the fact, she hugged her daughter and consoled her. Those parents were unable to take action against that idiot because there is no proof to place in front of school management.

Shit…we teach children Guru is God. If God himself develops lust on his students, who will protect them? Ramya’s innocent face came to mind and felt she was asking the same question. Not in a position to give any reply. Another bitter experience started appearing in my closed eyes. I went to hear speech of Indira Gandhi. Big crowd gathered in those grounds. Suddenly people started pushing each other. In that moment a person behind me started pressing my body parts which are divinely things used for Motherhood. I felt as if he may rape me in the crowd. Moved fast to front of my brother and escaped to home. From that day onwards I never attended any meeting which gathers a crowd. Idiot men are not leaving women even in bus journeys. One day I was coming from my research guide. It was around 9.30PM and was traveling in the Hyderabad city bus. Apart from me 25 men were present in the bus. I sat in a vacant front seat. After some time I felt some one’s hand touching my back. I got irritation and told him in bigger voice to sit straight. But I can not express how insecure I felt until I reached my home. Even boys are in the same path. When I was coming from office, a teenager followed me and passed comments which made me burst into tears. This is because he was at the age of my son and commenting on my inner body parts.

Not only boys, even Gurujis entered the same track. When I was in college studies, one Guruji visited our owner’s home. Along with all our neighbors and my parents I too visited him to take his blessings. When I touched him feet, he told me to sit near him and hugged me and was announcing my great future. I felt the repetition of my childhood incident. Every one was around. No body got any doubt because he was great guruji. I didn’t utter any word, with a force I made him loose his hands and came downstairs to my room. I didn’t say anything to my parents. But later I came to know from my mother that that idiot guruji was caught when he was watching from a hole the naked body of our owner’s sister while she was taking bath. Till that time I used to think that Sanyasis/Gurujis are God servants on earth to save us the ordinary people. But he proved me wrong.

I opened my eyes and looked in the direction of Sri Ravi Sankarji. He was with closed eyes and his lip movement indicated that he was chanting some mantra. I felt very sick and hungry. Closed my eyes but thoughts didn’t stop coming….now I am traveling with another Guruji…a male. What will these men do? At the most they may rape me. What else they can do? I am a mother, gave birth to two kids. If they play with a mother, let them do. No body there in this world to take care of me. I lost interest in this life and now let me check real nature of Sri Ravi Sankarji.

My experiences and other females’experiences made me doubt every one. I move friendly with all men. Many men helped me in many incidents. But except my father, brother and husband, I never believe other men. Even though they are polite, I doubt them because their real nature can be understood only when I am with them alone in a lonely place which I never wish to face.

My friend Radha’s husband tortured her in making sex. Now she is in helpless condition. People say I should learn to take things positively and leave the negative opinion on men and I should trust them but how? My neighbor Rajani’s daughter was doing college studies. She fell in love with her classmate. She trusted him and joined him physically. That beast took video of their play using cell phone and released in the Internet. I still remember how herself and her parents stopped coming out to the public. Police caught that idiot and sent to jail. But this girl could not recover from that shock and attempted suicide.

Oh…God! Is it a punishment for taking birth as a female? Had I done any crime in last birth so that you decided to punish me by giving female gender in this birth? Our holy books say mother is the Goddess. The sex organs on female body are holy places which are used in giving birth to next generation. But who is respecting a woman? Every man is ready to jump on a woman if she is not his mother or sister. In childhood I had so many dreams to become mother like my mother. But now I don’t like this female life. I can’t go alone even in urgent situations. I should be accompanied by a man for security. What is this? I am a human being like a man. Then why should I need security? No freedom. No God…I hate my imprisoned life. God…if you wish to give me another birth, please don’t create me as a female. Please God…Please.

I heard voice of Sri Ravi Sankarji. He was singing bhajan songs on Lord Shiv. I opened my eyes and found that my body was trembling. Also realized that I wept unconsciously. Quickly erased tears on my cheeks and looked at Sri Ravi Sankarji. He was not looking at me. He was involved in bhajan song. Other sishyas too joined him. I was unable to join in bhajan. Looked at watch. It was around 3PM. I didn’t take even water on that day. Not only me no body took even water. That fasting and those frightening memories made me feel sick. I felt feverish. Here I must admit that Sri Ravi Sankarji’s voice got hypnotic power. After hearing his bhajan for some time, I felt relieved from pains and slowly entered into peaceful sleep.

I heard Sri Ravi Sankarji’s voice…”Sneha…get down.” I realized that we reached the destination. With lot of difficulty I opened the door and stepped down. There I saw many men and women standing. They were saluting Sri Ravi Sankarji. Sri Ravi Sankarji said “Sneha…come with me.” My feverish body didn’t cooperate with me to move ahead. Sri Ravi Sankar ji came my side and held my hand firmly and said “Step forward.”

.................................................will be continued in the next blog.

Sneha

Tags: men, sneha

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manisha_bhattacharya said:
You really have come up with the goods Snehaji!! Yes, everyday, common place events, that cause so much turmoil to women!

November 14, '08

Chimp2008 said:
Sneha, a very quaint style of writing indeed! Apart from the style of writing; the content left me feeling sad, for you mainly. I guess we live in a society that is excessively hypocrisy and generally sexually deprived. Don't forget that its the mother who brought up such children; maybe the clue lies in the our upbringing and the society we have been bought up in.

November 12, '08

raviRG said:
very well written.
Every one knows that Shri Ravi shanker ji is a great man (with the Art Of Living).
But the way you have created a contrast to highlight him is vague and exaggerated.
What you may have experienced or gone through, maybe many others may have too...but what does it have to do with Sh Ravi Shanker ji.
anyways, your feelings have made you a good writer.
wishes!

November 11, '08

sazzyme said:
gud stuff....soo wat happens next

November 10, '08

LovelyStars said:
Dear NARAYANAN6159,

It is unbelievable but true.
No one in this world can turn truth to untruth.

Dear Lovely6841,

Thanks for accepting the fact. Yeah...we have ask God reason for this.

Dear nash5,

I never said all men were wrong. U know if one man tried to harass me another man saved me.
My present peaceful existence is just because of those good men around me. I salute them.

As this blog is related to painful events in woman's life, I wrote only bad events.

U are true...still there are many many good people on this earth the only sad part is that there nos are dwindling.

Sneha

November 10, '08

LovelyStars said:
Dear IN_MY_BOX,

I totally agree with you.
As this article is related to female, I wrote only those incidents.

Dear Harsh,

Thanks but No thanks.
I don't wish to see u suffer as a female.
I don't even wish to take male birth, I just don't wish to have another birth.

Sneha

November 10, '08

LovelyStars said:
Dear tafi11,

Thanks for understanding the real world scenario and accepting the truth related to men.

U know today I read a pathetic incident in the paper...two Japanese women (24, 25 ages) visited India as tourists and in Rajasthan they were raped by three men. They reached Delhi and contacted their embassy. Their embassy people contacted Delhi police. Now Delhi police are unable to trace those men. A german lady was gang raped in another place.
This is the main reason I was afraid of coming alone to France. My parents and sister were in regular contact with me during my stay in France. My parents were restless until I reached home safely.
Yeh tho ghar ghar ki kahani hain.
Sneha

November 10, '08

LovelyStars said:
Dear gags804,

In your lengthy analysis of my psychology, if you have added a little bit of concern towards the bad experiences of female in this blog, I would have felt very happy.

Sneha

November 10, '08

NARAYANAN6159 said:
IMAGINATION OF TOO MANY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. ALWAYS U R THINKING ABOUT THE WRONG THINGS HAPPENED TO YOU. DO YOU SAY WHATEVER IT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU ONLY WRONG THINGS? AND BY MALES ALONE? UNBELIEVABLE!!!

November 10, '08

lovely6841 said:
hi sneha,
off course for men if they see any female othe than mother n sister they become weak in sex,it is creation of god by himself... you know touching females become emotional to men that creates more problems but totally insecured

November 10, '08

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