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Posted on: Nov 15, '08

A REFUGE FROM DARKROOM.........

It was like being in a darkroom for the past few days; close witness to an entirely distorted picture developing out of a well perfected worked out relationship called marriage, being with my friend Jassi, where I saw a world of darkness.

I had been almost absent from fropper, busy in a unknown world, where I could find darkness..darkness..darknes, that’s all I could see in her world, suffering from some old pains she grew up with during her past 7 years of marriage, out of which 5 years she had been living separately from her husband, and now busy, giving a conclusion to their lives.

I am talking of Jassi, her short name for Jasmine Kour, my new colleague and a new found friend.

I had been spending lot of time with her, trying to understand the reckless strokes, she had been lending to the canvas of her life.

She told me that she had grown tired of looking at her already shattered world; she had been feeling weary and sick at heart. So three years back, she had decided to get an absolute divorce from her husband and sued him in the court for separation.

“Today is the last date and I have to go to the court for the final hearing, I would get divorce today, I would be finally free, legally too,” did I sense relief in her voice?

A world once filled with colour turning black???

She requested me to accompany her to the court this time. We discussed in the coffee house, she with a cold drink and me with a black coffee, the necessity and the pain of restraint. Why I am feeling more restraint than her???

We discussed the balance to be found between letting go and holding on.

We agreed that after her final date is over, we all girl friends needed a blast, a boogie, we decided, a night out, music would do it, a nice break for all of us.

Today morning, when the phone rang at 9 o’clock in the morning, I picked up, paused a moment as if hearing something, and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be there on time”.

I then shouted to my roomie: “I’m going out for some work.”

I am the witness, Me Lord!!

And as comprehension began to dawn on me in that court room after 1 hour, I faced swarm of strange faces, most of them carrying the looks as if they are already familiar and acquainted with, this common public display of estranged relationships.

And among all the conclusive discussions flowing out of questions put up by the judge to the man and the woman, getting well practised answers by them, it followed by a grotesque silence, a deafening silence.

I had pushed my way through, to be a witness to a lifeless relationship, ready for its last rites, and all the faces around looked as serene as if looking at a dead body bedecked with flowers for the final journey.

I could actually see love standing in the corner howling, “I have become orphan, I have become orphan!!!”

The world outside the court simply asks Jassi now why this colour you ask, why not red, or grey or white. I find a world of relationships still found dazed with the brightness of promises they bring long.

I can understand the darkness of Jassi, she wants to live in……. because in that darkness, you cannot see the world Jassi is in, with a choked up relationship, you cannot see the blood gushing from an open wound, you can't see, what pain it causes, when the one you love, just walks away from you.

At the end of a tired evening, she still is still found blocking the roads that lead to him, and upon her scattered life.., removing the fingerprints..

And what I have been doing there with her all the time…as a friend she needed most, I just held her, looking at time creeping slowly away, this hell on earth, her life and waiting for a tiny sparkle to rise in her eyes, right now staring coldly at nothing.

Did I see-A tear- in her dry eyes, -A question- on her pursed lips, I would never forget my lifetime, her face, trying to forget that face in a darkness, you can't understand..

And in this blog, I take a refuge from her silence which seems to say please don't leave me like this, alone and scared!!!

Tags: divorce, marriage, woman, man, darkness, darkroom, love

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myworld07 said:
a very sensitive blog, sumedha. i find myself slipping into the mood you have created in this blog, and then 'waking' up with a sigh.
such is life. i think every human being goes through their fair share of adversity. it is adversity that brings out our inner potential, and opens us to a beautiful world that so often escapes our eyes. w.r.t your friend, this is the first clean break in the chronicity of all the struggles that her marital relationship put her through. it is bound to leave her with a mix of residual feelings, particularly the sense of loss of stability and uncertainity about life ahead. when negativity touches its deepest, it abruptly abates and is replaced by a sense of nothingness. one feels empty. and in that emptiness, one begins to see things that were always around, but that one failed to see. that is the route to the real treasures in life.

December 23, '08

Shreehaddi said:
Distance too far,
Your voice trails away…
Leaving me no choice,
Just hoping you’ll stay..

Promises unkept,
All long the way,
Ressurect me
To die another day…

this is all i cud say...darkness does sometimes giv refuge, but its like a drug...a sweet poison...

December 05, '08

painterofbeauty said:

December 04, '08

atul125 said:
may god bless Jasmine......./
tell her 2 cheer up now/
bad phase is over.../this is the time
2 look forward in a positive manner /
keeep hope ...there is a brightness
ahead / u r there 2 make her strong..
& I know what u r/ u will handle her
properly /I am with u too..........

December 01, '08

manisha_bhattacharya said:

November 30, '08

BABAVASUDEV said:
"There is no sense in traveling on a road that reaches nowhere"
Baba Vasudev

November 30, '08

mmm65 said:
Something heart touching....!!!

November 29, '08

geetsudha said:
i married the second type, but i matured n understood its no point living for a piece of paper only,we give our children all the love,and also care for each other too,but without love,life is not living.i rather live alone peacefully than live with someone to look good in society,children are never better off if mum n dad r x happy,they gain more,if they r separate but caring for each other.this is not bookish knowledge,all what i have learnt is from personal experiences,going thru and facing life.life is what we make,no body else can make it for us.god is within us,religion is love each other as humanbeings,care for each other. there is no perfection anywhere,make the best out of ur own life as u can.sumi,carry on being the guiding angle and helping ur frnd in this needful time,she ll really appreciate u indeed as a gud frnd.luv u very much for a lovely person that u really r.

November 27, '08

geetsudha said:
once mor im trying,hopefully itll go thru.
well all i like to say is,in my opinion,here are two kinds of marriages.one which i like n believe into is where two ppl are friendss,they love,care n understand eachother and love to share living together,in this as long as love is flowing together they r blissful,really happy together,it cud last for ever,but if two stop growing together,they will part mutually n if there are kids involved,they will both share their responsibilities and still care for each other n like to c each other happy with different partners.there is hurt,but no hatred for each other.its a little risky too.but the other type of marriage is legal n social contract,im x saying the other one is x legal,its just,ppl use legal system to show their rights n manipulate to bring blame n shame for each other.again these types work wonderfully if u r lucky forever.but in most cases,there is a social obligation more than there is real love.ppl hv choice to choose.

November 27, '08

geetsudha said:
5th tm trying luvy,dont forget that.divorces r always painful,we get used to living with each other,there r kids involved,but if there is no love,caring n respect,its better to get out it,its x gud for the children to c their parents fighhting.ur friend will appreciate ur support,ur being there when she most needed u,thats a real frndship.but blaming each other is nevr gud.

November 25, '08

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