She had noticed Deep on her very first day at work. Deep bustled about comfortably, while she tagged behind Stella, a little dazed. They were never introduced to each other formally.


One morning, Stella picked up a few pounds that someone seemed to have accidentally dropped on the floor, and she looked around. “Did anyone drop their money?”, she asked. “Oh! If you found any, then I must have”, came a voice. Stella turned back to find Deep smiling, his eyes mischievous. “How much did you lose?”, she asked. “Oh….doesn’t matter. Maybe one pound….maybe two….??”, he replied, still smiling. Stella waved her fist at him. “And if I were to give you this money, what would you do with it?”, she asked. “Mmmm….that’s a thought. Now I could take your pretty intern out for a date”, he said. And added,” And if there’s still some money left, I could buy you coffee! Deal?” Stella laughed and pretended to hit him, while he ducked. The pretty intern blushed at the adjective, and deliberately avoided Deep’s gaze.

At lunch, she was with Lobat and Solon. Deep was at the adjacent table, and having a ball of a time. He seemed to be a big favourite with the rest, and she wondered if she would ever feel that comfortable….that relaxed….that confident. When she was done with lunch, she went to put away her tray, and almost collided with Deep. “So, can I take you out?”, he asked. She blushed. “Do I take that for a yes?”, he asked. “You are pushing it too far!”, she said. “Looks like I will have to get Stella to talk to you!”, he said. She rolled her eyes, but he only smiled. Solon and Lobat joined them.

Next morning, she was shocked when Stella asked her as to why she broke Deep’s heart. At lunch, Deep joined them. She fought to keep away the tension. Deep ignored her totally, and spoke only to Lobat and Solon. That evening, he caught her on her way home. “So, would a movie be pushing too far?”, he asked. She looked at him straight in the eye. And she made her decision. “No”, she said. “Do you like funny movies?” She nodded. “Pick you up at 6 then”, he said.

Back in her room, she sat down on the bed. He seemed to have a romantic interest in her. She couldn’t be entertaining that. She had to let him know about Saurav. Then she thought about all their encounters at work, and smiled. The truth was she had a romantic interest in him too. A passing infatuation, she assured herself. She showered and she put on her favourite clothes. She didn’t need to wear a coat, but the cold draft was bad enough. She casually draped a blue shawl around her shoulders. She left her hair loose, and as she walked towards him, he refused to take his eyes off her. He seemed to be a little dazed as she greeted him. They enjoyed the movie, and after that, he took her out for dinner. At dinner, he seemed lost. “Aren’t you enjoying your dinner?”, she asked him, as she watched him meddle with his fork. “Definitely more than lunch”, he said. She looked at him questioningly. “Over lunch, I had to share you with Lobat and Solon….now, I have you to myself”, he said. Silence. Finally, she asked him,” What is your interest in me?” He had difficulty getting the words. “I like you. And I am attracted to you.” “So, what do you want to do about it?”, she asked. “Do you….I mean, are you seeing someone?”, he asked. She nodded….and then sighed. He smiled. “Me too….just that I am watching it break up”, he said. She raised her eyebrows. “Well….I am often torn between what I see at home and what I see around me. You see, my parents moved to the West when they were young, and we kids grew up here. At home, it is always a struggle to strike a balance between what we want and what our parents want for us. I have been into a relationship with a Spanish girl for the last 3 years, and it has broken my parents. I kept hoping they would cope eventually, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. And to top it, my girlfriend has moved to Italy to pursue her studies. Over distance, things don’t feel the same anymore. When we met last time, I felt a lot of things had changed between us. She has gone back, and nothing has changed on the surface. But deep inside, too many things have changed….and I doubt if we could ever turn the clock back. Now it’s just a matter of confronting it….which is perhaps the hardest!” She smiled sadly. He decided to move onto something brighter. “So, what does your boyfriend do?”, he asked. “Saurav was a disaster right from the start. Distance brought us together. But when we moved to the same city, I couldn’t take it. My life turned stagnant and I lost the drive to live and to look forward to the future. I don’t understand him any longer….and he doesn’t understand me either. But I don’t really know which is more painful….the trauma of being together or the trauma of the process of break-up. I guess it’s falling apart in any case….but we haven’t had the courage to confront it.” Silence.

After dinner, he dropped her home. As she looked up at him to thank him for the “date” , he kissed her on her cheek. “Sleep tight”, he whispered.

Next morning, as they met at work, no one could have sensed the emotional closeness that was built overnight. He pretended to not really notice her, and she smiled to herself when Martin asked her if Deep and she had fought. In the afternoon, they found a couple of minutes together. “You know what….you are conservative. You haven’t even changed your hairdo once!”, he said. “And I am not going to”, she said. “Of course, you are going to! You are getting your hair trimmed and you are getting a new hairdo”, he said. He grinned as he caught her annoyance.
That evening, they played table tennis with Solon and Lobat. And they met again for dinner. When he kissed her goodnight, she was reluctant to leave him.

Next evening, he took her out for a surprise. He drove her to the hill on Alexandra Palace, and she stood mesmerised, as she watched the stars above and the lights below. London looked so beautiful at night, lit up by all those lights that gleamed like the stars in the sky. She pulled her shawl closer and he held her hand as she took in the sight that made her hold her breath. She watched the Hertford line pass by in the distance- it looked so tiny….like a toy train, with its compartments lit up. He turned her around and hugged her. She made no attempt to unlock herself from his embrace. They hugged for a long time,perhaps taking in the feel of each other. He loved the fragrance of her hair; everything about her was intoxicating. Their hearts were pounding loud, and that seemed to be the only sound that broke the silence of the night. He asked her if he could kiss her. She was suddenly shy, and she blushed. He tried to draw her face to him, but she just stayed in his embrace, burying her face into his shirt. He laughed. “Do you plan to fall asleep in my arms?”, he asked. She said nothing. It was the most beautiful night of her life. Just the two of them, the grass beneath, the stars in the sky and the beautiful city in the distance. He then drew her face to him and kissed her. She closed her eyes. He loved the feel of the damp strands of her hair- against his face….against his neck. “Don’t ever trim your hair. I love your hair”, he said. She looked up at him. “I thought we were kissing”, he said. In the sky, the stars twinkled. On earth, a city slowly seemed to go into slumber. But they seemed oblivious to the whole world.

When he dropped her home, she went up to the door. And then, she came running back and hugged him. He kissed her tenderly on her head, and whispered,”Sweet dreams. Think of me.” It made it harder for her to leave. An hour later, she read a text message from him: “I can’t get you off my head. To be honest, I don’t even want to try!” she smiled and went back to sleep.
Next morning, they were together at work. He texted her: “ I will literally need to push you away to be able to get anything done!” She smiled. Solon looked at her suspiciously.

They met on and off. One Saturday, Deep came up to her, looking downcast. She waited in anticipation. “My girlfriend has come on vaccation. I will need to spend time with her and sort out things between us.” She nodded. She had known from the start that this was surreal….and it would end anytime. She knew this was the end. In the next couple of weeks, she saw very little of Deep. And then she heard that he had been accepted by the University where he had applied for his Masters. When she met him next, he looked sad and morose. His girlfriend had gone back to Italy, and the break-up had been dreadful. In many ways, he was looking forward to getting back to academics for a bit. The relationship had weighed him down. And then he looked at her tenderly and said,” You don’t deserve to be unhappy. You are beautiful….and you have a beautiful soul. Saurav is blocking you….stagnating your life. Break free….am sure you will find the courage to break free.” He kissed her and walked off, never once looking back. She watched him until she could see him no more, and wiped off the tears that streamed down her face.

It wasn’t easy; it took her nearly an year to break free from Saurav. But she managed eventually. And later, she would often think back to those times of her life with Deep, and wonder what that phase really meant. It was indeed a surreal phase, but the memory lingered and seemed to revitalize her. Life was never in black and white, was it?

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