Posted on: Mar 09, '09
A ' Woman' I Would Like To Be Reborn As And Why?
Time was changing, we were growing up…. Rajesh khanna was slowly fading away, though holding d ground but a new angry young man…. Amitabh Bachhan was emerging very fast on d horizon…… cinema …the grapevine says is the reflection of society’s psyche…..for the first time Jaya Bhaduri was getting recognition as an actress with ‘brains’…away from those stereo typed ones …the “rona dhona” fame heroines of yesteryears….taste of d masses was showing change in almost every field…and the change was palpable… The heady and stylish 70s were making waves…. Time was getting colorful….…!. I feel the change that characterized 70s … was for the first time since independence … never before the world in general and our country in particular experienced this quantum of drastic change which was creeping in slowly and slowly …. In society, science and more so on personal level….Man landing on the moon… Neil Armstrong… created a sort of history by being the first man to be on the moon….! The 1971 war was just over….operation “cactus and Lily”…. And Mrs indira Gandhi made a history by winning it through n through ….to the extent that shri atal bihari Vajpayee …in opposition went to the extent of calling her a goddess durga…!
I feel “change” was basically the theme for 70s … things were changing slowly and steadily everywhere…. And the most important thing was d change was right from top to bottom… the fashion went right deep into the society…. Bell bottoms …I still remember those pants !
At home in 1972 Kiran Bedi became the first woman IPS police officer… it was again a very big change… in a male dominated indian society a woman from an ordinary middle class back groung …making it to civil services .. and that too IPS….! Was something that was never heard of… she was a path maker for we girls then… I was also coming of age at that very time… when girls of my age started standing infront of mirrors for d most of d time of d day ! …. I stopped doing it… ! yes I stopped visualizing myself as a pretty good looking heroine…. May be mumtaz ! because this woman for the first time in my life had already made an impact on my “emerging” mind….the mind that was coming of “age”…. And I had this woman Kiran Bedi on my mind since then….! I wd often wonder how would she look like in a police officers uniform ? and may be at subconscious level … I was myself dreaming to be somebody different from the routine rut….and here this ordinary woman Kiran Bedi ….as if she was some girl just next door… just like me… and making this big and different that almost every house hold had her name on their tongue…. Though parents openly crticised such a career…but in their hearts….heart of hearts… they also wanted their daughters to be a Kiran Bedi….!!! Yes I could see that shine….that sparkle in their eyes !! … people may say a thousand lies….but their actions never lie… I could read that appreciation in their actions….! So this was d beginning of this fascination…and appreciation for kiran bedi…. And it only grew with time….as Kiran Bedi kept growing in her career ….my fascination for her also kept growing…. In my mind… unknowingly…! Though I was in a very very different situation….i was not at all in a position to do something….coz of same lod world traditions….in d name of culture….where a woman is always a sufferer…I was also suffering ….mutely… I had no voice to speak…. And even if I had… who would listen…? Forget that…. Even bother for what I speak….women are supposed to be the guardians of culture….traditions…and well I was supposed to do all “that”….and I was doing “that”
And here was d first lady IPS police officer saying “ I dare….” … I would not be exaggerating if I say here that I instantly became her fan …. Or was it an outcome of that frustration …. Or the “change”…. In the system manifesting…. Well I wonder….but it was there….to be there for ever…! And it is there ….still there…. But I couldn’t change the things ….i couldn’t change the thinking of “my own” people…. It therefore always remained in my mind…in my heart …. That look I say that I am helpless woman… succumbing to the demands of society … so called age old values… and here is a woman who at least has d courage to say….” I dare….”
My second encounter with KB is on the account of domestic marital life… well I mean the similarity between both of us…. And here also she went ahead ….far ahead of me… I kept dreaming of doing that all my life , but could never gather the courage to do it….and she did it…her first marriage was a disaster….. where she discarded the man in her life …as he was just another MCP ….! Well ,U all know what it stands for….! And here I was … a poor cow…and cowed down….mutely giving in to all the demands or tortures of my ?better half …and here this kiran again goes ahead and breaks off such a relation …. By herself… as if she was doing all those things ….i always wanted to do…. But could never do … d will to do was there…..but courage required to do all those things was never there…..so kiran kept on going in my mind deeper …day by day…..
Then came her second marriage… where her husband Brij Bedi …. Was just an ideal companion to her…. They never engaged themselves in any marital ceremony…! Just went to the Shiva temple and took seven rounds…! And jointly hosted a reception….! Wow ! …and he complemented her in her life…in her career…. They decided to stay away from each other…..under compulsion from their career demands…! What an ideal understanding….! Never heard of it in conventional Indian society…..! And here I was …. Understanding ? and that too with a husband ? are you joking ??? what more do I say ….well u all know what a routine husband is in Indian ideal society ….!!! And I was there a poor cow.. pativrata stree …. !!! and carrying on d burden of tradition and culture on my shoulders… and pelvis….for my pati parmeshwar….???.. All alone….with nobody with me…. Nobody for me ….. a guardian of riti … sabhyata ! ha ah a ! there can be no joke worse than this…living…leading an unwanted life…and here Kiran was just doing that ….which I would always dream of…. So she went deeper…. Further deep …. Almost reaching my heart…! My SA node [sino-atrial node.....where d beating of heart starts….!] Where that spark of life…..the beating impulse originates….!
Kiran was again just like me a sportswoman all through her life ….. played tennis…..well here there is a slight difference…..coz I played badminton….! But this was certainly not the reason for my life to be all that bad…..!!! I was made helpless by my circumstances…. But I never stopped thinking… I never stopped dreaming…. Those who dream …always live their life…. May be a bit differently …in their own world… away from the real one ….but atleast they do…..!
Like me again of course with a slight difference again…..kiran has a daughter…. Ladka nahi ladki ….! And me also has two daughters….my younger one is really doing very good in studies…and I have v high hopes from her…. May be I am visualizing Kiran in her…? Who knows….! Kiran’s daughter is married and is busy in community service… mine has very big plans for herself ….career wise… but its too early to say something as to what she will exactly do in her career or future life….lets see….
One always wondered that after all why on earth that Kiran chose police service as a career? Well we can only speculate …. She had said in one of her interviews …..which I had read …. That “ I don’t see police service as only a punitive career….infact it stands for social welfare….but tough welfare…a place where I can command welfare… I can demand welfare…and most importantly I can produce welfare” this shows her commitment to her objective in public life… always of course with honesty …and yes …honestly …! For which she was always known for…and even today also in her programme on live media “hamaari adalat” she is doing her duty to society with honesty ….and honestly…..!!! as I would put it again ….i always wanted to do it…… speaking out loudly to all the people ….. that yes, I suffered …. But you please don’t ruin your lives….submitting mutely ….in the name of culture….in the name of tradition ….. aadarsh bhaartiya naari….!
She was a lecturer in the earlier part of her career like me….I was a teacher …well am still a teacher….and she is a teacher to the whole world now…! Am trying to may be re live my life …..through children I teach ….! I teach them those very lessons …..life taught me…. And there Kiran is showing the world through all her actions….she is a practical teacher …! And I am a theoretical ….! But yes am doing what I can …..whichever way I can… to follow the footsteps of Kiran ….. by all possible ways….. or is it a way of trying to relive my life….! May be in the shadow of Kiran….!!! I wonder…
During her career with traffic deptt of delhi police …she once lifted and challaned the car of nobody else …but the prime minister of India Mrs Indira Gandhi…! One can see the courage and confidence kiran had in herself and her actions…… ! and after you see all this in a lady of ur times… no woman can help herself….to become die hard fan of kiran….and I proudly say so …..! she also remained associated with insurgency hit mizoram … as advisor to the Governor of chandigarh … she was fondly called as “crane bedi” for her dutiful lifting and towing away of wrongly parked vehicles…wherever she was posted….!!!
Among her other positions are the ones with UN, as DG of Narcotics Control Bureau ….and countless others…but whrever she went she always made all the “men” follow her ….duty wise ….commitment wise …. By being an example herself ….men were made to follow and they all did… !!! now this something really too much in our so called male dominated society … but kiran did it and did all the things with poise and that differently distinct and unique grace …. ! that made her ….always stand apart …! And yes she always stood apart ….
The most important part of her career in my view point was as an Inspector general of Tihar jail in delhi…..she will always be remembered for this stint of her…as she for the first time changed the complete and overall management of jail administration …..by giving a new lease of life to convicts through meditation and spiritualism …..following the footsteps of great saint Mahatma Gandhi….who always said …hate the bad element in a criminal don’t hate the person in him….bring out the human in him ….and you will change his life…!!! She brought in the yoga , vipaasna meditation, redressed the inmates complaints against the administration and brought about the very famous and highly acclaimed “Jail reforms”… and it was during her tenure as IG of Tihar jail , that she was nominated for Megasaysay award ….and she was indeed awarded it….which she rightly always deserved …. My joy knew no bounds when I heard this news ….on TV… and I infact congratulated myself ….! Now this is some fan going to the extreme of imagining herself to be a Kiran herself…..!!!
During her service she was a recipient of many awards and medals for distinguished and meritorious service, gallantry, awards from social organizations, and …various other bodies …. Much to the envy of her male counterparts … ! but in the fag end of her career something came across her way …. In this male dominated society …. I wept at that …when I heard that she was not appointed as the commissioner of delhi police….and some other male member of the police force was chosen for the job…. This was the most disappointing part …. She always deserved it …. But a woman …an honest woman who was fighting the battle all by herself ….all these years …. Like arjun in Mahabharata …. ! but then as we see the teaching of our great scriptures itself…. That he is the real hero who fights the battle …for the cause …. And doesn’t bother or think for being victorious or has the fear of losing it …..and fights for the cause like a true warrior ….as Jataayu in Ramayan was a better warrior …than any body else … because he faught even when death was sure…and did his duty to defend sita ….! He had no fear of death and offended ravana ….!
Kiran is still active after she took premature retirement after she was denied d post of commissioner delhi police…..she is anchoring on TV , she is associated with two NGOs the Navjyoti and India vision foundation … and even after retirement also doing her duty of course in a different role ….now without police uniform …as a social ambassador….
Now a woman …an individual … who stands apart from rest of the crowd …. Who is seen as an achiever with an awe …b y everybody ….and who was role model right from my formative years …. I resembled her in so many ways … where I could identify my self with her…. But the only difference ..and a difference of great magnitude …. As a valley that exists between Kiran and me was and is … she always listened to her conscience ….her conscious … not just for the sake of carrying forward social or human or personal values …but something she always did she always wanted to with all the logic with her …and whenever you do something with an inherent logic attached to it…. You are never wrong …. Even if you don’t success instantly ….. you are bound to win at the end ….you are bound to be a winner …which kiran is and will always be …..!
I for myself could never accomplish even a fraction of what kiran did or achieved ….but I always held and hold her in very high esteem ….. I always wanted to be one like her ….. but I was always bound and restricted by my my compulsions and inhibitions …. Social or may be personal ….or may be familial ….in the form of family traditions …or our social fabric in general and my life’s reflection in it in particular ….. I could never fulfill this in this incarnation …. So I would request God ….that if He wishes to give a rebirth to me in human form …..may he give it to me as kiran bedi …..!!!
But does taking birth only gives you that courage or zest to do those very things which kiran did to achieve this much height in her life….well the answer is NO ….God only gives you birth in any particular form ….. and it is you who strive and work to achieve the goal …. And we know when we help ourselves ….God helps us …. ! so it is not only a question of being reborn as kiran ….i want God to give me that courage …. That conviction … those nerves of steel ….. that wisdom …. And that very self respect …. And all those qualities as well …..which distinctly and differently differentiate kiran from every woman in the world ….from every man in the world…… I want to be reborn as "Kiran Bedi" with all her qualities …if God gives me chance …….!!!
Tags: women's day
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