(Scene: A beach in the Caribbean. The notorious pirate captain with big ears Captain Jack O' Harrow a jack rabbit is standing on the beach waving desperately to passing boats to pick him up)

Captain Jack O' Harrow: S.O.S! SOS! S.O.S!

(A yacht passes by playing the ABBA song "Darling, can't you hear me, S.O.S" on its loud speakers but ignores the jumping jack rabbit)

Captain Jack O' Harrow: I should never have poured saltpeter down the pants of the President of the British East India Company. I should have known that Governor Swann the governor of St. Kitz was in his pocket.

(Paris Hilton parachutes on to the beach wearing an extremely short cocktail mini dress and a pair of Armani pump stilettos)

Captain Jack O' Harrow (shielding his eyes): Oh, God! I think I'm blind.

(A yacht passes by playing the Stevie Wonder song, "There's a place in the sun where there's hope for everyone... got to find me a place in the sun...")

Paris Hilton: Captain Sparrow? Are you there? Captain Sparrow, where are you? Calling Captain Jack Sparrow!

Captain O' Harrow: The name is Captain Jack O' Harrow! There's no Captain Sparrow here.

Paris Hilton: But I thought I was going to be appearing with Johnny Depp? What are you? A bunny? You're not even a Playboy bunny at that.

Captain O' Harrow: Well, I wouldn't say that. You should see me on the dance floor of a Los Angeles nightclub.

Paris Hilton: You should see me on the dance floor of a Los Angeles nightclub.

Captain O' Harrow: I already have. That was the night the club DJ was getting great laughs from the crowd reading that line from Edward Lear's poem The Owl and The Pussycat, "What a beautiful..."

Paris Hilton (pouting): I was wanting to star alongside  Johnny Depp... hmpff!

Captain O'Harrow: Depp only acts alongside actresses with depth! Depp only acts with depth!

Paris Hilton: What do you mean Depp only acts alongside actresses with depth? That Depp only acts with depth?  I could get some depth if I wanted to. Um... do you know where I could buy it?
Say, isn't that what the country and the banking system is in now? Debth?

Captain O' Harrow: Well if President Obama had a lisp, that would certainly be the way he'd put it.

Paris Hilton: Well, I've decided I'm not going to appear in this movie. (picks up her cell phone) Lindsay, get me out of here.

(A cocktail dress wearing Lindsay Lohan wearing cocktails all over her dress appears in a yacht and roars up the beach wrapping the boat and herself around a coconut tree)

(A coconut falls on top of her head)

Harry Belafonte (walking along the beach and singing):

Coconut woman is calling out
and everyday you can hear her shout
Get your coconut water
Man, it's good for your daughter...

Captain Jack O' Harrow (running up to Mr. Belafonte): Harry, please get me off this island of nuts... coco and otherwise!


The End.

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