Posted on: Sep 23, '09
SMILE
No 1
Little Johnie hadn't spoken a word in all his six years of life. Finally, one morning at breakfast he cried out, 'Mum, the toast's burnt!' His amazed mother hugged him joyfully and asked, 'Johnny, why haven't you spoken before?' Well,“ he replied everything‘s been all right up till now “.
No 2
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me...I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a ROOSTER." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ...." he sighed, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
No 3
An Icelander was granted one single wish from God: He asked "I want a road across the Atlantic so we Icelanders can drive back and forth to
Europe." God told him: "That is too much to ask. Find something easier". So the man asked: "Please explain female intuition to me" God replied: "About that highway: Should it be 2 or 4 lanes?"
No 4
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. How wonderful! But I hope you don‘t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?“ He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.“ Oh, how tragic! what about your second husband?“ He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died“ Oh how terrible! I‘m almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.“ He died of a broken neck“ A broken neck?“ He wouldn‘t eat the mushrooms……“
N 5
The man gets out of his car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?“ The farmer replies I‘m trying to win a Nobel Prize.“ How?“ asks the man, puzzled. Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are outstanding in their field.“
N 6
Woman in crowd at a political rally where Sir Winston Churchill is speaking You mongrel Churchill, if you were my husband I‘d put rat poison in your tea.“ Churchill replies And if you were my wife, Ma‘am, I‘d drink it!“
N 7
Three blondes are stuck on a deserted island, when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. She picks it up and gives it a little rub and a Genie pops out. The Genie looks at the three Blondes and says I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish“ Well the first one is tired of being on the island, so she wishes to go back home. POOF! She disappears. The second one said she too is tired of the island, and wishes to go home. POOF! She also disappears. The genie then turns to the last Blonde and asks her what her wish is. Gee,“ she says, I‘m awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here
N 8
I rang up my local swimming baths. I said Is that the local swimming baths? “The man said, It depends on where you‘re calling from. “
N 9
An old woman came into her doctor‘s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. I have Flatulence all the time, doctor“she said. But they‘re Soundless, and they have no Odor. In fact, since I‘ve been here, I‘ve passed wind no less than twenty times. What can I do? “Here‘s a prescription, Mrs. Smith. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week. “Next week an upset Mrs. Smith marched into the Doctors office. Doctor, I don‘t know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I‘m passing wind just as often, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself? “Calm down, Mrs. Smith“said the doctor soothingly. Now that we‘ve fixed your Sinuses, we‘ll work on your Hearing!! “
N 10
A Blonde with two very red ears went to her doctor, who asked her what happened. I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang“she said“ but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck in to my ear“ So what happened to your other ear?“ asked the doctor. The person rang back again…. “
Tags: jokes, romance, love
About Me
